Thursday, October 11, 2007

Call me Ishmael--er, Avery

Crisis. Existential in nature.

How do you describe yourself?

I read my “About me” and I cringe. It’s not funny. And I think I’m pretty funny. I mean, I photoshopped red eyes on a squirrel. That kind of comic gold doesn’t just happen, right?

So, then I think, well, maybe I should just put something nonsensical, like a movie quote or something. But does “I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey” really encompass the totality of my persona? Does it impart my essence, per se? No, I can’t really say it does.

Unless “I’m gonna come at you” means I’m going to visit your profile and comment. Then sure, I’m gonna come at you. Often. But not like a spider monkey. I happen to think I’m a pretty friendly person, and spider monkeys aren’t really known for their benevolence. Plus, “I’m gonna come at you like a benevolent monkey” just sounds ridiculous.

So, fine. Scratch the monkey idea. I’m sure there are other avenues to explore.

How about an amusing personal anecdote?

Well, let’s see…

Oh, did I ever tell you about the time my brother cut off his own finger? On purpose?

You know, now that I think of it, that’s really more about him than it is about me. Though it is quite an amusing tale. (And maybe I’ll post about it if you ask me nice enough.)

Okay. What now? Make stuff up? I can do that. I write fiction after all.


Oh, did I ever tell you about the time my brother DIDN’T cut off his own finger?

That story’s not quite as amusing.

Well, people, I’m out of ideas! So, help me out here—

What have you always wanted to know about Avery Gray but were afraid to ask? Now’s your chance!*

*I reserve the right to blow you off, but still…

--Little FYI here: The venerable Novembrance has tagged me to list ten literary characters I would totally snog if not for the fact that I am happily married and said snoggable characters were not imaginary. Be looking for my answers tomorrow!!


Momo Fali said...

I think your About Me is great!! I love it!

Teresa said...

Wow! You crack me up!! Your about me is great. I'm thinking of making a blog just for my poetry and writing..hmm. It's great to meet you and I loooove your sense of humor!!

Whimspiration said...

Thanks for the laugh. I know just how you feel.

tom said...

It's funny, but when I asked my sister what kind of animal she would like to be she always says "Spider Monkey, and laughs..Personally I'd like to be a spoiled rotten cat living in the home of a millionaire that spares no expense on his/her I'd have 9 lives..So Avery What kind of animal would you like to be??

R said...

"I've gone mad" is not quite so funny, but I guess I don't care so much. I thought your profile was witty, so keep it up.

I think I am sort of funny, so guess that is all that matters. I get a kick out of laughing at myself. I read a very important quote by Mark Twain off my green tea bag tag just this morning: "When in need of a compliment, compliment yourself." Hey, why not?

Avery Gray said...

Ooo...good question, Tom!

Well, I certainly wouldn't want to be a squirrel. [Anyone who reads this blog regularly knows why.] And obviously I don't want to be associated with spider monkeys, and my husband says I'm not old enough to be a cougar. ;o) So, what does that leave?

I think I'd like to be a liger. It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic.

Radioactive Jam said...


You will like this site I am sure.

Ba Doozer said...

I'm not sure what is going on here, or who avery is but I can certainly read your entire blog and get back to you? Tha's how I rolllllllll

Avery Gray said...

RaJ, you know me so well!

Ba Doozer, I appreciate an informed reader. ;o) Haven't I seen you somewhere before?

Mrs. G. said...

If you could have the talent of one writer, who would you choose.

Pixelation said...

Oh, dear, I hope I didn't give you an existential crisis. :-?

I'm sorry if I did, my observation was a general one, I purposefully didn't look at any profiles when I wrote it.

Pixelation said...

On second thought, please ignore that comment. The post I was thinking about isn't going to be published until the 13th... my bad.

Still, the coincidence is striking... :-/ as you'll see on the 13th.

Avery Gray said...

Pixelation, you're a nut!

Mrs. G.--great question! My first inclination was to say either Jane Austen or William Faulkner, because I love them both. But, after a moment's deliberation, I decided I'd rather have the talent of someone with more current sensibilities, since I'd like to make some money at this someday. So, my answer would be Kresley Cole, because she's the only author I will buy just on name alone.

Thanks for making me think!

dan leone said...

OK, if you could see my ass, you would see that it fell off because I am laughing so hard!

(add that to the "I would rather stick a rusty spoon into my eye" image of the day)

tom said...

Avery, Check out this Fav' Liger Link before morphing into your fantasy animal.. By the way I mentioned you in my last post and really do appreciate your thoughts..thanks

Avery Gray said...

Okay, Tom. I imparted my vast wisdom on your post. Thanks for the link!

Dan, you make me smile.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Ooo I have to read some Kresley Cole now.

Great post.