Monday, October 22, 2007

My Husband's Leaving

After 8 years together, he's walking out the door. To go to the airport. To catch a plane to Phoenix. For two days. Then he'll be coming back.

What? Did you think he was really going to leave all this sexy goodness? No way, sister! Or, uh, brother. He'd have to be crazy!

Because even if he wanted to leave, we made a promise to each other a long time ago that we wouldn't allow it. Plain and simple. One person wants to leave, the other gets veto power. Kinda like the checks and balances system, only for crazy-in-love people. And, thankfully, neither of us has chosen to test the system.

Our friends envy laugh at us because we can be a little...how shall I say this?...mushy.

A little mushy?

Shut up, Lovey.

I love you more. No, I love you more. No, I love you more.

I said shut up! It works for us.

Anyhow! Whenever he leaves, I have a little ritual I like to do. (Lovey doesn't know about this one, but I have a feeling she'll be having a heyday with it.)

When he gets up in the morning on the day of his flight, I get up at the same time. (Which, in itself is quite a sacrifice for me, since he gets up at an ungodly hour.) Then, while he's taking a shower and getting dressed, I make him a token of my love. I cut a small lock of my hair, and I sew it into a felt heart.

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Corny, I know. Y'all are probably gagging by now.

Well, y'all can kiss my

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Did she just make a butt out of felt?

Darn tootin' I did, but I digress.

You'd think that my husband would be treading lightly after the whole washer fiasco, right?

Yeah, you'd think that.

There I sat, 5 o'clock in the morning, bleary-eyed and exhausted, but working diligently at my task while he showered and dressed. Normally, this would be the time that he packs his suitcase and waits for me to hand him the finished product. This morning, he leaned down to kiss me instead.

"Have a good day," he says, turning to go.

My brow furrows in confusion.

"Aren't you going to pack?" I ask.

"Flight's not 'til tonight," he replies.

My bleary-eyed gaze quickly becomes a dagger of rage. "Then what am I doing this for?" I demand accusingly.

He hesitates. He knows me well. One wrong move, and he's toast.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. I should have told you. Why don't you try to get some sleep? I love you."

The beast within me growls, but is led without incident back into its cage.

"Oh, and I need some clean clothes. Could you make sure you have some washed before I get home?"

Methinks he may not live to catch that flight.

20 comments:

Christina said...

put drugs in that little felt heart instead! They will find it and he will go to jail! Then you can sleep forever. Oh, do it to your kids too!

Emma Sometimes said...

You made a felt butt?

And really, every time he takes a flight you send a lock of hair? Are you bald yet?

Mr Coffee and I call each other the worst names, mushy names, possible.

Sugar Beets
Sunshine Poo
Honey Snuggle Buns
Muffin SnickerPie
Sweetsie Donut

We try to make them as awful as possible. Are you OD'ing from a saccharine high now?

loveyh said...

Y'all are going to make me vomit copiously. And you made me say y'all and I've only been to the Dallas AIRPORT.

Seriously, though, a felt heart? The ick factor has gone up 10 degrees or so--maybe you should up the ante and put a drop of blood in there...oooh, or wear vials of each other's blood around your necks? That would be great fun.

Pixelation said...

Ha ha, that was great! I especially liked the daggers of rage. Sorry. :)

thecasualperfectionist.com said...

That's hilarious!

It would be at a time like this that my hubby would hear me mutter things like, "Honest, Officer. He fell. On the knife. Four or five times. He's very clumsy. Oh, and I'm not sure why he was in the laundry room..." under my breath. >:)

Momo Fali said...

Uh-oh! There would be hell to pay in my house for that!

Mad goat lady said...

Am just loving that felt butt.

Good Luck Mr Gray..think you are going to need it tonight LOL

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Love, love, love your felt butt!

My husband did this very thing to me yesterday. He's still alive, but barely.

Radioactive Jam said...

Imagine what a fun and "interesting" time he'd have explaining the felt butt when the ever-vigilant TSA folks found it hidden in his carry-on.

Bitsy Parker said...

Those scissors have more than one use.

dawn224 said...

I think solid marriages are based on never considering divorce.

Homicide on the other hand...

Erin said...

Oh, I can't believe he didn't tell you and you got up...I don't think I could have caged the beast as well as you did. LOVE the felt butt. Very nice.

Bec said...

oh grrr! DH does this to me all the time - I'm not going to tell you what I've done with them, but I need clothes for *insert time*

Nap Warden said...

Love the felt butt!

Emily said...

The power of veto - I like that!!

cate said...

a felt butt...i wasn't expecting that! hilarious!

my hubby and i are like that...we never ever go to bed without kissing goodnight, when he leaves town for work we will give each other a card with some mushy gushy heartfelt stuff, we kiss and then i wave and watch him drive away until i can't see his car.

i like the power of veto thing...mind if i use that? ;-)

Pinky With a Brain said...

Avery???
felt hearts? locks of hair? How much hair do you have to spare?
I made a rhyme!
You called my post about butterflies and flowers sappy...ok pot, the kettle's going to keep an eye on you!!
:-)
I think it's great to get up and go to bed at the same time. It's very good for the marriage. Too bad I never do it!
Pinky

R said...

Felt butt? You are a genius.

I am always late with laundry too.

Jod{i} said...

LOL...does he need a memo too?

Candace said...

could you be funnier?
we are mushy over here too.