Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Oh, the irony!

You know how when you buy a new car, you start seeing them everywhere? Yeah. Or like when you...oh, I don't know...write an incendiary blog post about squirrels, say, and they start coming out of the woodwork.

Or running in front of your car, and then under your tires.


Yes, I hit a squirrel this morning.

Don't even say it! Don't even think it! I am not the matriarch of some squirrel hating family with violent tendencies. I was not gunning for that squirrel, and all you naysayers can just shut your yaps! I live in a heavily forested region thickly populated with squirrels. You can't live here and not hit one. I know. I've done it twice.

Geez, I'm just digging myself in deeper, aren't I?

Fine. Believe what you will. Life is full of those funny little ironies, isn't it?

Oh, and they don't end there.

My son, Ethan the Squirrel Kicker, goes to a lovely little school in the country. They have lots of animals on the premises that the kids help care for. This is one of the many reasons I chose this school because, as I have already stated, we love animals. Love, love, love them.

(So, not only is the squirrel dead, but the horse she's beating is, too?)

Anyhow, the classes at his school are assigned animal names. Can anyone guess where this is going?

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You guessed it. Ethan is a Squirrel!!


Azhria said...

Well now... seems like the squirrels are really out to get you!

Jessica said...


Heather said...

Hee hee! Loving your blog.

Thanks for the thoughtful comment on my blog. I've come to the same realization about the situation -- let go and let God.

Thanks again. Looking forward to browsing through your archives.

Mert said...

OMG, that is hilarious! I love your blog! Thanks for visiting my cr8buzz page. :D

Avery Gray said...

Thanks so much, guys! I'm glad you're not afraid to assocaite with a known squirrel killer. It will be forever my shame!

Azhria said...

My other half says to tell you that he can completely associate with your harrassment by squirrels and to warn you to watch out for the badgers!

Avery Gray said...

I don't encounter many badgers in my neck of the woods, but I will most definitely heed his words of warning! Thanks for caring!! ;o)

Shannon said...

Ha-ha! (said in my best Simpsons laugh). At least the squirrels around here do't chase you down for the ones on some college campuses (ir is it campusi??). I had one chase me for a good 200 yards because I didn't share my chips...come to think of it, Ethan/Bran/Paige does that too!

Avery Gray said...

True that! They're like little pirahnas!

Radioactive Jam said...

Just because one kamikaze squirrel died trying to avenge the unprovoked kicking of Ol' Redeye, don't assume they're finished with you.

What, you didn't notice the teeth-marks on your tire?

Tsk. Tsk.

Avery Gray said...

Unprovoked? Oh, no, my friend. Perhaps you missed the part of the post where I very clearly stated that Ol' Redeye (quite possibly) had a taste for human flesh. Yeah, I thought so.

Radioactive Jam said...

We-ell... I *did* fail the Reading For Comprehension test (misunderstood the directions I think), so yes I most likely missed that part.

But still. Familiar as I am with the intricate nuances of a squirrely mind, I can say with completely unfounded confidence: squirrels do not throw themselves at or under moving cars without a reason. Except of course when they, you know. Do.

Summer said...

We live in an area over populated with squirrels. I actually haven't hit one yet, though I did run over a racoon in the dead of night once. It was awful. I saw a shadow dash into the road and didn't even have time to react before I felt the car lurch twice. I went back and saw what it was in the headlight. :(

Deb said...

Wow. That's a conspiracy if I've ever heard one.