Monday, October 8, 2007 know...

The other day I bought Ethan a Spiderman costume, and he fell in love with it. Refused to wait until Halloween to don the thing. He had superhero things to do, and by golly, they weren't going to be done in jeans and a tee shirt. So, I caved. Of course. That's my usual course of action when it comes to parenting my child.

(FYI--they're remarkably quieter that way. Try it.)

(No, don't try it. That was a test, and you failed. Never get your parenting advice from me. My son kicks squirrels, for God's sake!)

Anywho, said son gleefully stripped down to his Hot Wheels underwear and slipped into his black Spidy suit, and immediately commenced with his version of the Spiderman Dance, which looked a lot like interpretive robot.

Once the gettin' down with his bad self subsided, I asked him to do his best Spidy pose so I could take a picture. This is what he came up with:
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Apparently, unexpected crotch kicks are of no concern to Spiderman.

It shouldn't surprise me, really. The guy wears tights. I think I'd remember if he was really packing. (Tobey Maguire, not my son.) Not that I'm necessarily looking for those things, but come on! You can't tell me, say, a male dancer in tights bulging at the crotch doesn't draw the eye? Just a little bit?

Okay, I can't be the only one.

Well, regardless, as a mother, it's not something I want to think about when it comes to my son. But, oddly enough, I'm reminded of a woman I once worked with who informed me (for Lord knows what reason) that her son (whom I also worked with) was, and I quote, "hung like a stallion."


#1. Eeeeewwwww!!!!!!!

#2. How the hell would you know?!

#3. Eeeeeewwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!

I couldn't look either of them in the eye again.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't wish for my son to be adequately proportioned, but one would think that, as a mother, you would never have cause, once the young lad has reached a certain maturity, to have knowledge of such things. Am I wrong?

I'm looking forward to the day when my son stops flashing his winky all willy-nilly around the house. It's one of those things I don't think I'll miss that much.

I mean, sure, I'll miss it for the comedic value. The expression on that pizza delivery guys face...
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Bec said...

Perhaps Spidey is a soprano singing super hero.

Secondly, ew! on that woman knowing about her (adult?) kids parts! Maybe she was trying to cue him up a date? But so EW!

Marianne Arkins said...

Um.. yeah -- EWWWW... that mom was just. Ew.

I'm a writer, and I can't come up with a better way to say it.


newnorth said...

hahahaha (I had to cut back the ha's becuase it was getting out of hand)
I saw that costume at the store with my younger brother and he stopped to pout how it isnt fair they didn't have that when he was a kid. ...boys :p

TZT said...

The fake muscles in the arms of that costume are a scream!

loveyh said...

Ewwww...was it John's mom? ;)

That's disturbing, kinda like syphillis.

Sometimes Emma said...

Lordy, I wouldn't want to know how endowed my grown son was....ewwwwwww.

I was always uncomfortable watching Mikhail Baryishnikov dance. Always.

belle said...

I know of one mother who boasted to her future daughter in law of her son's proportions ... Ewwwww doesn't quite cover that ...

Lovely to read you, will stop by again.

Radioactive Jam said...

Words fail me.

I want to laugh, but that would be inconsistent with the TMI Damage Control Protocol.

WHY would your coworker think you - or anyone, for that matter - would want to KNOW? That is *so* not on the list of Approved Acceptable Proud Parent Remarks.

I'm just saying.

melody is slurping life said...

LOL. Boys! I have a few and am still waiting for some modesty to kick in.

Love his Spidey pose.

Avery Gray said...

Yeah, I know! Ewww, right?

Hey, RaJ, would you mind fowarding me that list so I never, ever cause my son to die with shame. That would be great. Thanks.

And thanks everyone for the comments! You've made my day!!

Sheila said...

Um, yeah that mom's comment was eww! My son is 12 and has been "shy" since he was 5. I am fine with that, there are things, as a mom I don't want to know.

Cool Costume!

Emily said...

Hilarious post - I am cracking up! :)

Teresa said...

Lmao!!! Literally!