I had Care Bears, and Cabbage Patch Kids, My Little Ponies, and Barbie dolls. The one thing I never had was a Baby Alive, and for good reason. Who the hell wants a doll that craps?
Though, confession being good for the soul, I will admit I played with my friend’s Baby Alive doll, but it was more like a science experiment. We used to feed it mud. When it got plugged up and started to stink, we tattooed its face with a ballpoint pen. I don’t know what happened to it after that.
Apparently, the demand for toys with the capabilities to perform gross bodily function is still remarkably high. Kids like poop. That never changes.
What has changed, it seems, is my perception. I was feeling nostalgic after my trip down memory lane, so I decided to look up some cartoons I’d watched religiously in my youth on Youtube. Big mistake.
When you’re young, your view is skewed. Things are always bigger and better when seen through the eyes of a child. When the child grows up, those blinders come off. Your childhood home, once so quaint and charming, becomes a chartreuse-wallpapered monstrosity with cracks in the foundation. The grand clubhouse you built in the back is nothing more than loose boards held together with tetanus-tainted nails.
And once you’ve faced the music, you can never regain the innocence you lost.
Do you recall G.I. Joe’s helpful PSA’s? Yeah, I thought I did, too. I remembered them being quite instructional and coherent. So I was shocked when I saw this:
I didn’t remember that! Man, if my mom had known we were watching shows with that kind of language, we’d still taste the Lifebuoy. Which is why I was even more appalled that we regularly enjoyed this program:
Wha wha whaaaa?!!
Am I the only one who remembers these things as clean, wholesome, family-friendly entertainment?
I guess change really is good.