Sunday, November 18, 2007

I'm Thankful for...Change

A few days ago, I read an article in the paper about old toys getting modern facelifts, making them popular with a whole new generation. These were toys I grew up with, toys whose accompanying cartoons shaped my young mind. Molded my impressionable sensibilities. Made me the shameless consumer I am today.

I had Care Bears, and Cabbage Patch Kids, My Little Ponies, and Barbie dolls. The one thing I never had was a Baby Alive, and for good reason. Who the hell wants a doll that craps?

Though, confession being good for the soul, I will admit I played with my friend’s Baby Alive doll, but it was more like a science experiment. We used to feed it mud. When it got plugged up and started to stink, we tattooed its face with a ballpoint pen. I don’t know what happened to it after that.

Apparently, the demand for toys with the capabilities to perform gross bodily function is still remarkably high. Kids like poop. That never changes.

What has changed, it seems, is my perception. I was feeling nostalgic after my trip down memory lane, so I decided to look up some cartoons I’d watched religiously in my youth on Youtube. Big mistake.

When you’re young, your view is skewed. Things are always bigger and better when seen through the eyes of a child. When the child grows up, those blinders come off. Your childhood home, once so quaint and charming, becomes a chartreuse-wallpapered monstrosity with cracks in the foundation. The grand clubhouse you built in the back is nothing more than loose boards held together with tetanus-tainted nails.

And once you’ve faced the music, you can never regain the innocence you lost.

Do you recall G.I. Joe’s helpful PSA’s? Yeah, I thought I did, too. I remembered them being quite instructional and coherent. So I was shocked when I saw this:

I didn’t remember that! Man, if my mom had known we were watching shows with that kind of language, we’d still taste the Lifebuoy. Which is why I was even more appalled that we regularly enjoyed this program:

Wha wha whaaaa?!!

Am I the only one who remembers these things as clean, wholesome, family-friendly entertainment?

I guess change really is good.


dawn224 said...

OH! those were fantastic! I fear what changes will be made to "Little Projects for Big People"

Bitsy Parker said...

My parents would never buy me a Baby Alive and it was my biggest want. To remedy the situation, I took a rubber doll that I owned and stabbed a hole between her legs. Then I forced water in her mouth and squeezed until she peed. The food didn't work quite so well. I shoved it into the mouth, but it never came out the other end and rotted inside..whoops.

The Lazy Iguana said...

Got some more!

Smurf CSI

Inspector Gadget

Girls Toys

The Lazy Iguana said...

And of course,
Apocalypse  Pony

Jill said...

Holy shit bitsy!!!!

I saw the commercial for Baby Alive with my 8 year old daughter. She commented-"What is they made a Baby Dead doll?" Only in third grade and she's already demented. I was so proud.

meleah rebeccah said...

"Who the hell wants a doll that craps?"

I don't know...but if you find out, please keep us updated!

Kimberly said...

Oh my freakin' heck. That was scary.

Sugarplum's Mom said...

Hey how about Rainbow Bright, Strawberry Shortcake and Poochie? Does anyone remember Poochie?

WorksForMom said...

Change is good. And you're right. Who IN THE HELL does want a baby who CRAPS? Me thinks a man was behind that marketing. *wink*

Avery Gray said...

Dawn--I'm not sure what that is. Anything like "Big Projects for Little People"?

Bitsy--that's quite sadistic of you, and sounds totally like something I would do. You're good people!

Lazy--those were hysterical! My favorites section is too full now!

Jill--that's the same thing I used to say!! Only it was a smidge sarcastic, like "Baby Alive, as opposed to...?"

Meleah--you know I will! ;o)

Kimberly--scary awesome?

Sugarplum--Poochie? No, can't say I recall that one. But I was down with Rainbow Brite and I had a Strawberry Shortcake doll--she smelled great for YEARS! If I get cancer from sniffing that doll for so long, I'm really gonna be peeved!

Worksformom--sounds about right!

R said...

I had a baby feels so real.

You and I must be the same exact age.

TheVasquez3 said... said it right with Wha wha whaaaaaaa?!!

Dapoppins said...

Hey. Baby crap is fun.

Jennifer said...


You know, for me it was Pippi Longstocking, the movie. I remember that being the greatest movie ever made, so I insisted that my husband and I rent it one day and watch it. I couldn't stop raving about it. He thought I was whacked.