Friday, November 23, 2007

I'm Thankful for...Distance

Ways to tell your man (or woman) is a low-life leech:

1) He got engaged to you while he was still married to another woman.

2) That was nine months ago, and you still don't have a ring.

3) He "lets" you support himself and his children (with the aforementioned woman).

4) He does this because he lost his job due to a terrible vision problem (read he couldn't see going in to work.)

5) He insists he can't get another job because no one is hiring, and he wanted to go back to school anyway.

6) He wants you to pay for school.

7) He moved you four hours away from your friends and family so he could be close to his own.

8) You both lied to the minister in pre-marital counseling to make him look better.

9) He got a credit card so he could take you out sometimes.

10) Card is now maxed, and you're the one paying the dime.

Reasons why you let him do this to you and don't think twice about it:

1) Because you LOOOOOOOOVE him.

You're an idiot.

Are you listening, friend o' mine? Not that you could be, since you don't even know about this blog, and that's probably a good thing. Because I know you're not even close to being in a place where you'd be willing to listen to anything that anyone has to say on the matter. But if you were, here's what my advice would be:


As fast as your legs can carry you. And don't look back.

Because this situation is going to end badly. It's only a matter of time before you come to resent him for being the leech that he is. And you know he is. His ex warned you about him. Of course, you called her a lying bitch, but I think in time you'll come to realize she knows him a heck of a lot better than you do. Your head is filled with stars at the moment. Stars and lots of air.

I know you don't want to take my advice. You're "finally" engaged, and that's the best thing you could have ever hoped for yourself. Which is sad, really, because it doesn't matter to you who it is you're engaged to. You just want to be married so badly, anyone will do.

What is it about marriage that makes you lose all reason? Sure, when it's with the right person, it's great. Granted, you'll still have squabbles now and then (like when he won't smile for the damn family pictures), but for the most part, it's nice.

But when you're married to the wrong person, there's no security in it. It will devolve into either a gory battle scene, or one of quiet indifference, which in some ways is worse. It means you're past the point of caring, you're no longer sticking up for yourself and demanding the love and respect you deserve. You've resigned yourself.

And you want to bring a child into the mix?

What is wrong with you?


You're being used. Why can't you see this?


Edge said...

If that's engagement, I'd hate to see marriage. Run ... and never look back.


Lizzi said...

"Stars and lots of air" ... *snort*! That's funny!

Sheila said...

Hopefully someone knocks her over the head and she gets a clue!
A best friend I had for more than 20 years has not spoken to me in over a year - the problem, her controlling husband. You know, she finally gets married in her late 30's and he promises to be a good husband to her and a good father to her son. Even though his ex has a restraining order on him and he isn't involved with his own children's lives.
Your friend needs to run while she still can!

Secret Agent Mama said...

Oh yea, she needs to RUN, RUN, RUN, far, far away!!

belle said...

Could you drop her a link to your blog sort of accidentally like? Not that she'd take note ... sad sad sad.

Kimberly said...

That is so, so sad. The poor girl...and her poor friends and family, grinding their teeth in frustration...

Rimarama said...

Oh, wow. I hope she comes around in time.

christina said...

smack that b word, she will thank you for it some day!

Marianne Arkins said...

It's frustrating when they don't listen... but if they aren't ready, they just WON'T. I have a friend who married a man I knew was gay. She wouldn't matter what I said, because she LOVED him.

By golly, a year later, he left her for another man. And then she said, "Why didn't you tell me??"


meleah rebeccah said...

I will NEVER understand women who behave this way.


The Lazy Iguana said...

Wow. This chick does need to run. She is going to end up knocked up, the guy will bail, and she will be left holding the bag.

suchsimplepleasures said...

sometimes, no matter what a person is won't make a difference. my husband knew and was told about his ex-wife. 2 kids later, he woke up and realized everyone was right. sometimes, people need to learn for themselves, unfortunately.
i hope things work out for her but, really...the only thing you can do, if she has her mind made up is, just be there for her! it sounds like she is going to need you!

suchsimplepleasures said... of my best friends was married to a guy...everyone figured he was gay. they have 2 kids together. one day he left her for a guy he met in california. it's amazing how everyone else can see what is right in front of our faces, except for ourselves!

Jo Beaufoix said...

Avery, I think you should copy this post and show it her and say, 'Look, this could be you, read it.'
What a nightmare.

suchsimplepleasures said...

hey...i tagged you with a meme. 7 random facts...tag 7 more people when you are done!
have fun.

Lizzi said...

Hiya, Avery. Tag, you're it! Please like me anyway ...

Momo Fali said...

Eek. That is just BAD, all the way around.

loveyh said...

Mr. Engineer and I peed a bit laughing at this blog post. Why? Because we know her for real. I am so glad I ran from her and just get humorous (and sad) bulletins from you when I got the chance--the drama makes Days of our Lives look tame.

Stars and air, indeed.

Sugarplum's Mom said...

Oh my... hopefully he'll dump her before the wedding (and I mean that in the nicest possible way) but if she's his meal ticket, it's not very likely. Sad sad sad

dawn224 said...

Oh... Is it bad form to give her a do it yourself divorce kit as a wedding present?

musicalfemme said...

I've often heard that there's no stopping crazy, but it still makes you want to, doesn't it? Sadly, for the person in question, without more self-esteem, she's not going to get out of that mess. Miss you guys and hope to see everyone next time I come to town!

Emma Sometimes said...

oh, boy....there are no words unless you say them to her. Sometimes if you can talk to someone like that and tell them the story like it's another person, they can listen without getting defensive.

I'd rather offend her and say something than to not say anything and let her go down this road. yikes.

Jill said...

Hey-run his name on

It sounds like he'd be listed on it!

A friend of mine alerted me to this website when word got out that a guy we went to high school with is on it. It sounds almost like the dude your friend is engaged to!

Tristi Pinkston said...

Holy moly cow. If the choice is between being single forever and being married to this guy, stay single and be grateful for it! Part of why people crave marriage is knowing that they're in a stable relationship. This is so far from stable I can't even express it.