Thursday, November 29, 2007

I'm Thankful for...Electricity

Hanging Christmas lights is a festive occasion on our street.

Oh, not for us. We’d rather nail our thumbs to two-by-fours than string up the damn icicle lights. But we do it every year. Or, I should say, my husband does it every year. I just stand there and look pretty, and untangle the huge wad of wires. And, of course, roll my eyes when half the bulbs fail to light.

I used to lecture my husband on the benefits of testing the strands before he hangs them. But I learned early on in our marriage that it is easier to live with a half-ass lighting job than a pissed off hubby. And up until a couple years ago, it didn’t really matter how the house looked. The only thing we cared about was not being known as “those” people.

You know the ones. The neighborhood scrooges who don’t illuminate the bejeezus out of their homes, who buck the system and fly to Cancun instead. The ones we publicly admonish, but secretly wish we had the cajones to be.

Yeah. “Those” people.

Well, we’re not “those” people. We’ll probably never be “those” people. We’ve been assimilated quite nicely, and we’ve lost the will to fight it. We’re burb dwellers. Kinda like mole people, but without the pesky fear of sunlight.

Burb dwelling does have its share of advantages. For one thing, neighbors are always providing excellent blog fodder.

Take Deb, the “Brit” from across the street. She goes crazy with the Christmas lights. Which, in itself is not that funny. Until I remind you that Deb is the one who handed out Halloween candy to the impressionable young people of our ‘hood with a glass of vino in one hand and a bottle of vino in the other.

Yep, she’s a lush.

Just this year, while hanging her Christmas lights, she fell off her ladder, hit her head on the garage door, and took a tumble out of her attic. And she never spilled a drop. If it weren’t for her Vlasic liver, I’d be tempted to say she’s nigh invincible.

And check out this lighting job…

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The picture doesn’t really do it justice, but trust me--drunk has mad skillz.

Unfortunately, she also has no compunction about voicing her opinion of our own piddly little efforts.

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The little tree was my doing. Pretty awesome, huh?

Oh yeah? Well, who asked you anyways?

Nope, You're Not a Grinch

Although you may feel Grinch-like at times, it's just because you're worn out from the holidays.
You get into the holiday spirit more than most people - and you truly enjoy celebrating with your family and friends.


FYI--to all you Buzzers out there, I'm hosting December's Writing Assignment. Check it out. And if you're not a member of cre8buzz, but would like to be, contact me for an invitation.


Lis Garrett ~ a writer's woolgatherings said...

Well, you are WAY ahead of us, my friend!! We don't hang any lights and I have yet to take down my summer wreath - LOL! I guess I'd better go do that.

Rima said...

The P-dog and I are *those* people.

Not an outdoor light, blow-up Santa, or grazing reindeer to be seen at our house, although we do put up a tree inside.

newnorth said...

I want to hang christmas lights this year becuase it's the first time in a while that I wont be living in an apartment but I don't know who's house I will be crashing at. (my little bro is buying a house and if he gets it in time i'm so crashing there. I'm so excited for him)

um oh yeah, I came here to tell you that I tagged you :)

Bitsy Parker said...

Oh, no! You're talking about me. As you read, we always decorate, but nada this year. Hope the neighbors aren't hating me.

Your little tree is precious!

Jill said...

My daughter wants us to get a huge Homer Simpson blowup for the front yard. He's wearing a Santa hat and eating a doughnut!

Your house looks great-and don't let the lush tell you any different!

Secret Agent Mama said...


Hey, I left you some blog bling, plus one that I made up! Award-o-rama, is the title of the post. ;)

M@ said...

Wow. You can probably see that motherfucker from space. The Great Wall of China and... your house.

yajeev said...

Reminds me of a scene from my favorite Christmas movie.
Art: The little lights aren't twinkling, Clark.

Clark: I know, Art. Thanks for noticing.
Frances (glass of wine in hand): Talk about pissing your money away. I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was.

Audrey: He worked really hard, Grandma.

Art: So do washing machines.

meleah rebeccah said...

I could never be one of "those" people...I am a PROUD burb dweller, that LOVES drunken neighbors and excessive xmas lighting....

Emma Sometimes said...

The Griswalds would be proud.

Lilacspecs said...

That's a joy of being of the Semite persuasion...the glitziest we ever get is an electric menorah in the window. No lights, no hassle, just a candle a night baby!

Avery Gray said...

Lis--get with the program, my friend! Times a-wastin'!

Rima--I'll still let you sample my nog.


Bitsy--I can totally appreciate your reasons for not doing the whole Christmas thing this year. It's nice to take a break from the chaos sometimes!

Jill--I don't pay much attention to the lush. I just tell her I can't understand her accent.

SAM--you're loverly! Thanks for the bling, babe!

M@--let me're being facetious.

Yajeev--what's that from? National Lampoon's?

Meleah--then come on over to my house! We're party animals (until about 10, then we're sleeping animals.)

Emma--that's why I wear my WWCD bracelet while stringing the lights. To remind me of what's important.

Lilac--'sup, my Jewish friend? We have a miniature leg lamp in our window. It's a major award.

Kimberly said...

Oooo...purdy! I like your lights better, hers look kind of pretentious (that's my word of the day as my dear sweet hubby called me that today...grrr...).

Joeprah said...

I may or may not have read this post and I think it was either good or perhaps not good at all. ;) Nice tree there girlfriend. You are one badass light hanger upper. Word!

PS I think I am ready for your assignment. If I win, what do I get?

Joeprah said...

Hey, did you ever read my second November assignment? I bet not. You will probably comment on it and not read it like that punk ass librarian. God, I am gonna kick her ass. ;)

Avery Gray said...

Kimberly--pretentious is a great word that I use quite often myself, and just saying it makes me feel pretentious as well. But how dare he call you that! The nerve!!

Joe--I may or may not have read both your comments, and might or possibly didn't find them funny, thought-provoking, insulting, or any or all of the above. ;o) You'll never let me live that down, will you?

loveyh said...

Hey, at least yours are up. I still haven't pulled ours out yet--that will be Saturday.

Looks like the hubster managed to get that last strand lit again for this year. ;)

Jo Beaufoix said...

I like your lights better too. And your house is gorgeous.