Friday, November 9, 2007

I'm Thankful for...Secrets

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Wanna know a secret? Then might I suggest you go here.

(PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard.)

And there are some doozies! (Not Doozers! Well, maybe she's sent some in. I don't know. No one knows--that's what makes it a secret.)

I was looking through the archives last night (which you can only do if you subscribe to a reader), and I didn't do any scientific calculations, but it seems to me there's a preponderence of certain themes: I'm gay and no one knows, I wish I'd never met you, I like to _______ when I _______ (think sexual), and I'm thinking of killing myself.

Oddly enough, no one seems to have combined all those things together. Not enough room on one postcard?

The funny thing is, I don't believe half the secrets I read there. I think they're done for shock value. I think there's a lot of lonely art school students, stinking of patchouli and funky Birkenstocks, cutting up little pictures and snarky little quips, and thinking about the impact their "craft" will one day have on the world. And this is what they come up with...

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Mom and Dad would be so proud.

There have been a few that have tickled my funny bone...

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I know what you're thinking. How dare she advocate that! Well, what can I say? I scrapbook, too. There's no shame in it. Legalize it, man!

This one could have been sent by me, as I am the only Pacific Northwesterner who doesn't drink coffee (other than those who abstain for religious reasons).

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I kid you not, it's an epidemic. Within a mile radius of my house there are three--count them, three--Starbucks. Within a mile!


I have a secret, too. Only this one's real, and it's kinda hard to stomach. I don't know what to do. Should I send it in and air my secret shame to the entire world? Or should I let it fester and eat away at me until I become a shell of my former self? (Neither of those options seem too appealing.)

Well, how's about I share my secret with you, and you can help me decide?

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27 comments: said...

Oh no! I'm not sure if you should tell your secret or not...just make sure all the ham diapers are safely out of someone's reach. ;)

Speaking of underwires and washers, I will never forget the day my hubby yelled from the laundry room, "Oh no! I think we broke the washer!!" I ran in there and he was holding up an underwire out of my bra. "I have no idea where this piece goes!?" he said, all exasperated.

He was relieved to discover that it wasn't part of the machine, and after reading your blog, I'm relieved that it didn't cause any damage. Who knew?

Sheila said...

LOL!! Uh-Oh, I say don't tell him! What he doesn't know won't hurt him! Your secret is safe with us - The Entire Blog World!

Avery Gray said...

Casual--oh, that's so funny! Our foundation garments are so confusing to them! The guy that came to fix the washer said that underwires account for the majority of his calls. I don't know if he was trying to make me feel better or not, but it kinda worked.

Sheila--thank you, co-conspirator! ;o)

Redneck Nerdboy! said...

Telling hubbys admitted mistakes like this is easy. Present your news with an apple (or his favorite) pie and all will be forgiven!


newnorth said...

wow, I never knew they were so powerful.

christina said...

hahaah your bra! too funny.
i love postsecret. i love how the guy tries to like.. i dont know.. relate to the posters... its so weird.

anyhow, i tagged you for a meme.... meme it up avery!

Melissa Garrett said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Was it seriously your bra?! I have learned to clasp the hook on mine, because TWICE it has gotten stuck on one of the little holes in the dryer. What a pain to get it unstuck. Not so much pain as it breaking a washer, though . . .

meleah rebeccah said...


OMG....This post is a classsic.

A classic.

The pictures, scrap-booking, weed-smoking, husband doesn't read your blog.....all of it.

Soooo good. Sooo funny.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Bad bra.

And I never heard of that site before. I will have to go peep.

Jodi said...

Oh My!
Howard Hughes would be proud!

That is amazing..and I agree with Meleah, this is a classic!

I am envious of your brain power! Hilarious!

R said...

My husband never reads mine either. He said he "checks out" when people start "to mention personal stuff."

Patchouli rocks---I love it and I am not a hippie.

And I will one up you: we have five Starbucks within a couple miles radius, which is ridiculous. We have them nearly at every Target and grocery store, plus the regular Starbucks buildings. Wait---not five, I forgot one---six. And a Carribou Coffee.

Kimberly said...

Avery! That was so stinkin' hilarious that if Jo hadn't given you the head falling off award I'd be tossing one your way for certain. Ah...thanks muchly!

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Brilliant! I'll never tell your secret!

I keep meaning to check out that postsecret site!

holly said...

your husband does laundry? what's that like? is it everything i've dreamed and more?

Avery Gray said...

RNNB--just between you and me, I already told him, and he was fine with it. (I'll have to keep your suggestion in mind the next time I dent the car or something.) ;o)

Newnorth--yeah, who'da thunk it?

Christina--do I need to give you whatfor? Three words--Meme. Hiatus. 2007!!! (But I'll get right on it in January.)

Melissa--I hate getting those little clasps stuck in the holes! Then you have to get pliers and bend them all to heck, and try to reshape them when you finally do get them free. Ugh!

Meleah--searing neck pain, and you're still a sweetheart?! How do you do it?

JoBo--go. Explore. Have fun!

Jodi--yeah, my secret ranks right up there with his. Mmm-hmmm... ;o)

R--I guess I just find it odd because I don't live in a densely populated area. How many coffee shops do you need out in the middle of nowhere? Crazy!

Kimberly--aw! You sure know how to make a girl blush!

Jennifer--thanks for keeping my confidence! I got your back anytime you need me!

Holly--it is the most miraculous of miracles! Every wife should experience it at least once!

Erin said...

Hee, hee. I'm lovin' this post : ) I think you should send in your secret and get it off you chest...

And I'm so excited because Post Secret is setting up an exhibition in one of our art galleries this month. I'm totally going to check it out.

Avery Gray said...

Erin--you'll have to post about it! I'd love to know how it was!

Mert said...

I love reading those things too, some are really weird but others are hilarious!

I think that when you think your husband is ready to hear your dirty little secret, you'll tell him.

Want to know mine? I finally told my husband after 3 years that I once smoked *stuff* with his brother. He took it a lot better than I expected, but he did tease me a lot for his own amusement. ;)

Deb said...

Ma-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Brilliant! Every word of it.

I think my husband reads my blog every day, just in CASE I write about him. I kind of wish he didn't sometimes, because I've got a lot of good Hubby stories.

Lilacspecs said...

Heh, how much you wanna bet he'll randomly check this post for some odd reason.
And I know for a fact my man reads my blog everyday. He's the one who reminds me to post for NaBlo daily...typical man, starts his own blog right when I do and has five posts total, but makes sure to remind me to blog every day.

I should whack him with my underwire.

Emma Sometimes said...

wow, reading the comments was almost as good as your post. Mert and Mary Jane, lilac has a stalker husband, jennifer aka binky keeps quiet with a bucket on her head, and jodi says that Howard Hughes wore a bra.

I think I need to go to bed.

This was the funniest post EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jod{i} said...

He invented the underwire didnt he? For Roselin Russell? Maybe...

Secret Agent Mama said...

I'd HAVE to smoke some pot to scrapbook. Whaaa?

QZ~Ba Doozie said...

that's a very provocative secret and I applaud you for having the kahuna's to post it. And when you least expect it your hubbs will find your blog and beat you about the neck and head with a bat for breaking the washer. I know, me on that

ps...thanks for the shout out!

did you know a big doozie is a joint? weed's very um.....well....bad for you?

Bec said...

If it were me I'd so not write that anywhere DH could even stumble upon. He doesn't need any more ammunition.

PS. I hate Starbucks coffee.

Stephen said...

I thought that blog was great, too...until some woman mailed them a postcard of a picture of herself naked from boobs down. Uhh, no thanks. :P

loveyh said...

Classic Avery. You slay me...and aparently, you slay 3k washers too. ;)