Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Bad Egg

My neighborhood is inhabited by lame hoodlums. Look what I found when I went out to my car yesterday.

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An egg. One egg.


How ever will I clean up THAT mess?

You want to know the worst part about it? They didn't hit anything. Not my car, my house, my decorative lawn ornamentation. Nothing.

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I'm so disappointed in them.

I mean, come on! I'm a girl...

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and I can hit something! Observe.

We start with this...
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Set the scene of the crime...
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FYI: I noted the absence of my husband's car just to prove that it was I, a girl...

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who accomplished this...
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For shame, young punks. For shame!

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Alternate title for this post: What I Won't Do For My Blog.


Rima said...

Very commendable, but are you sure you didn't drop that egg on the way back from your grocery run?

Avery Gray said...

Not possible, Rima, my dear. For you see, that egg is brown, and we do not buy brown eggs. My husband's theory is that a bird "pooped it out" at it was flying overhead. That is also not feasible, as it is a chicken egg, and chickens do not fly.

missburrows said...

You egged your own house? This gray weather must really be getting to you!

Don't forget to put the styrofoam boobies on your outdoor faucets.

I'm jealous of how clean your car is.

Avery Gray said...

Yes, I egged my own house. It was one of the prouder moments in my life. Especially when my neighbor walked by as I was cleaning it up. Drat!

(We won't forget the boobies. They're in the garage. Just haven't put them on yet. Thanks for the reminder, though!)

Misssy M said...

That has just made me laugh and laugh!

loveyh said...

Avery, dear--diet Coke and pop rocks are not suitable breakfast foods. Why on earth do you insist on eating them--look at what the subsequent sugar high does to you!

Me girl, you doofus egg-tosser.

M@ said...

Those bastards! What? Do you have a malicious gang of six year-olds terrorizing your 'hood? Where would they strike next? I'll bet they take a dump in a urinal some day.

Kimberly said...


Terri said...

You're crazy! I love it! I have attempted to do silly things for my blog (like the time I tried to give myself the Sanjaya mohawk) but have never actually made it to the point of publication.

holly said...

stop it stop it stop it i'm crying tears of laughter!!!

my husband is going to wake up and shout at me again!

you know, av (can i call you av? no? okay) av, you *could* run tutorials. oh my god you've done a wikihow! market that, girl!

Jod{i} said...

ahhhh I got tears! This is the ultimate in funny!

Jod{i} said...

Were there neighbors about?

Heather, Queen of Shake-Shake said...

Wait...you're a girl? Wha? With that totally awesome cleavage, I would have never guessed.

Bow chicka bow wow!

Queen of Shake-Shake

Mike said...

What Avery wrote: (see above)

What Mike read: blah blah blah BOOBS! blah blah BOOBS! blah blah blah.

My favorite post yet, Avery.

Avery Gray said...

Misssy--then my work here is done!

Lovey--egg tosser means something way different on the other side of the pond.

M@--I wouldn't put it past those nefarious ne'er-do-wells. They're unruly!

Kimberly--thank you! Good night!

Terri--I would pay money to see you in a Sanjaya faux-hawk! Do it! Do it!!!

Holly--I cannot imagine that anyone would need to know how to egg their own house. If someone needs a Wiki tutorial for that, something tells me the herd should be thinned.

Jodi--thanks, and, uh, yeah. There were. I'll have to post about that.

Heather--O, Queen of Shaky Shaky! You honor me with your funky porn riff!

Mike--so, my elbows aren't good enough for you, but the boobs meet with your approval?

Doozie said...

I love that you are a girl who will throw an egg! you rock

I have to be honest, those "snap" things? those pop up things, they really confuse me and they are out of control, popping up every which way

WorksForMom said...

You EGGED your own house for a blog post? Me thinks I should schedule an intervention. :)

Damn that sweet vehicle is sparkling clean!

Fooferoo said...

Your hoodlum must shop at Winco, that's the only place around here with brown eggs that I know of. Maybe you can stalk the egg department at your local store (in the name of your blog) and catch the perp :)

Christina said...

Too Rich! *cackle* Lame hoodlums indeed.

belle said...

Brilliant :o) but your poor egg? Alas, but may flights of angels sing him to his rest.

Avery Gray said...

Dooz--I throw lots of things: eggs, parties, down, up... I'm quite accomplished. (And the snapshots are supposed to show you a screen shot of the website linked, but I don't know if it really serves much of a purpose. But, it's a gadget, so it stays.)

Worksfor--intervention? Come on! Haven't you ever done crazy things for your blog? I know I'm not the only one! (At least I didn't egg my sparkly clean vehicle!)

Foof--your theory holds water like a sieve. Safeway carries brown eggs, too. As does Whole Foods. Alas, the perp could shop at any one of those places. (Or should I say, their parents could shop at any one of them.)

Christina--they suck at their hoodlummery!

Belle--he gave the ultimate sacrifice. It was for the greater good.

meleah rebeccah said...


This post made me laugh so hard my stomach hurts.

The alternate title killed me.

Jo Jo said...

You egged your own house, just when I didn't think you could get ANY MORE FABULOUS!

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee.
You gave me the hiccups.

The Lazy Iguana said...

You egged your own house?

You do know what eggs do to paint right?

I hope you washed it off right away.

The neighbors probably think you are on LSD

Natalie said...

I can't believe you egged your own home! You are seriously hilarious. Does it really ruin the paint?

From Here to There

Mishelle (secretagentmama.com) said...

Too. much.

No, not really. Keep it coming..you've got me ROLLIN!

The Lazy Iguana said...

Yes. Eggs are horrible for paint. Auto paint may be gas resistant - but if egg goop dries on it there is damage to the paint. I have seen the paint peel off to the primer because of dried egg goop.

Avery Gray said...


Jo Jo--just an average day in the life of a fabulous housewife! ;o)

Jo--drink a glass of water, then hold your breath. It'll pass.

Ig--yes, I know what it can do to paint. Rest assured I washed it off immediately after I took the pictures. No harm done.

Natalie--believe it, baby!

Mishelle--oh, I'll keep it coming, alright!

Ig--for the last time, I know what it does to paint! Go shopping at Best Buy or something!

Foo said...

Thanks for this post. You crack me up (no egg pun intended).

Melinda Zook said...

Too funny. Now get those hoodlums over there to clean up their, I mean, your mess!

Stephen said...

Love it. Much funnier than the time I discovered my truck had been egged...three days later, and apparently in the baking process in the hot Atlanta sun, the egg made a several big spots of paint peel off the hood. I was mad about that.