Monday, December 17, 2007

Move Along...No Leggings Here

So I've been using Google Analytics for the past couple of weeks to track how people are finding my site, and...wow! There are some sick freaks out there.

(Of course, if you're one of the people who found me by using any of the following keywords or phrases, know that I mean that in the nicest possible way.)

In no particular order, here are some of the doozies:

Avery Gray--WTF, right? You're searching for me on Google using my name?! How disgusting!

Avery Grey--Oh, now you're just bustin' my balls! Taking the spelling and Britting it up. Think you're so clever, Ms. I'm So Clever? 'Cause I got news for you--you're not. Ooooo!!

Okay, seriously though...

Chunky highlights--I'm assuming this is due solely to my post by that name, and not a commentary on how I would look in...

Leggings to heel, legging with heel straps, legging with strap heels--Ooookkaaaayyy. When did I become the authority on fashion crimes of decades past? Apparently I'm a veritable bastion of bad taste. Case in point...

Gold lame scrunchies--Not just scrunchies. No! Shiny gold ones. Even better. Why, I like to wear them to the discotech with my sparkly fuschia leg warmers and an assortment of plastic Swatch watches (with the face guard, of course. You can never be too careful where your Swatch is concerned.)

Baby craps a lot--Um, yeah, that sounds serious. Maybe a visit to the pediatrician would be in order? Or just stop giving the kid Lemon Pledge. Trust me, it doesn't make their poop smell any better.

Nice set of knockers--Wow! Thanks for noticing.

Urinal emoticon--Yeeaaahh. Pretty sure it had something to do with this.

Squirrel hit tire--Thank you!! Finally someone who sees it from my point of view! Damn squirrel getting my tire all dirty with his sloppy entrails. Rude!

Schoolgirl punishments--Keep movin', One Hand McGraw. This ain't that kinda site.

Japan "high school" diapers--Uh...

*crickets chirping*

Well, I don't know anything about Japan "high school" diapers, whatever those may be, but there is one kind of diaper that I am apparently quite well-versed in.

That's right, baby! I am the #1 Google authori-tay on....Ham Diapers!



And also, though slightly less significant, David Soul's pleasure den.



Yep, I've hit the big time now!

22 comments:

thecasualperfectionist.com said...

That's hilarious! I've started using GA too, and now, every time I write a post, I think of the individual words and wonder who will drop by unexpectedly. ;)

Rima said...

Oh, yeah? Well guess who's the number one "nostril skin tag" and "farting during a massage" authori-tay?

That's right.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hmmm. I wonder if David Soul wears ham diapers in his pleasure den?

fooferoo said...

I search for you by name since my other computer doesn't have you bookmarked, sorry :) but at least I spell it right.

Kimberly said...

High school diapers...to stop all that pesky asking to be excused nonsense?

Doozie said...

hmmm, weird..I've had some really weird ones like 'picking your scabs and eating them in public'

Oh, The Joys said...

Isn't Baby Craps Alot a rapper?

Terri said...

David Soul's Pleasure Den! I've definitely got to start getting more creative with my topics. Maybe then the seaches for Victoria's Secret will stop. (Geez, I only posted that one picture of a V.S. angel...)

WorksForMom said...

Oh those search queries definitely automatically bump you to an A-LISTER. Hilarious!

Baby craps a lot? Oh yeah.

Emma Sometimes said...

HAHAHHAHHA!

Next time I need to buy Ham Diapers...or Hampers, I will be sure to consult your amazing knowledge of all things ham diapery first.

Bec (www.bad-mummy.com) said...

Have you heard that I'm considering writing a post with a combination of all kinds of weird words so that I to can have interesting search results?

Well I'm not, I don't know where you got that idea from.

holly said...

actually, i find i consult your blog a lot at work. my coworkers ask lots of questions about the best way to announce they are gay, and what *kind* of diapers they should wear in public. it's an ENDLESS source of information. i'll be calling you next week from 'who wants to be a millionaire?' be ready, k?

TheVasquez3 said...

HILARIOUS!!

Stephen said...

Love it. I need more interesting people to find my blog on random topics like that. Or maybe I don't. :)

meleah rebeccah said...

OMG.

Those are friggen hilarious. hahahaha.

You are big time as far as I am concerned.

Heather, Queen of Shake-Shake said...

I'm so proud of you, being a #1 google authori-tay and all!

Woot!

Queen of Shake-Shake

Jill said...

I'm so blog illiterate!

How do I get on GA-I can only imagine what type of searches would lead to "The Court"-(can you say douche bag??!)

Dan Leone said...

OK, I fess up; I am the one who searched for the first, third, forth and seventh items on your list....oh, and the second before I knew better.

Cafe Leone

M@ said...

Big time? I've gotten hundreds and hundreds of hit from "animal fuck girl" alone.

Joeprah said...

I found this page via my search on Sham diapers, much to my disapointment I found no sham at all, none at all. Tisk.

Mert said...

ROFL! David Soul's pleasure den! *snort* Darn, see what I missed while doing NaNo?

monkeysandmarbles said...

i never get tired of seeing what odd searches bring people to see my blog...my latest one? "monkeys eat poop pictures"....uh....say what?