Thursday, December 27, 2007

That's Nice, Honey

#1,629,547 in the series "Things I've Come to Know About Myself":

  • I'm not as funny a blogger when my husband is around.

Seriously. He's wrecking my mojo. My sweet, delicious mojo.

But what's a girl to do? He's on vacation for another week!

You might wonder why the heck that should be a problem. Am I a clandestine blogger, slinking around in the shadows behind my husband's back? Is he unaware of my cyber activities?

No. He's well aware of my blog. Almost too aware. His most commonly used phrase this quarter: "You're not going to blog that, are you?"

The problem is, my response is usually something like this: "Well, of course, I am! It's comic gold, baby!"

This answer does not sit well with the highly private person that is my husband. He doesn't like our dirty laundry aired for all the world to see. And, to be fair, I didn't really know I was a dirty laundry airer until I started this blog a few months ago. I'm generally not much for idle gossip. But some stuff is just too good to pass up.

As I've written in my writers' group blog, I can't write when someone is reading over my shoulder. Just can't. Writing is a process. Even something as trivial as a daily blog post goes through a few edits and rewrites before it's unleashed on the unsuspecting public.

And my husband? Over-the-shoulder reader. Big time.

Can you say pressure? You can't say snarky things about someone when they're reading them over your shoulder!

And snark? Well, that's sort of my bread and butter. Don't know if you could tell.

Now, why would it make a difference, you wonder, if he reads it while I'm writing it, or if he reads it after I've posted? Since this post is sadly lacking in analogies, I'll use one here: do you like people coming to your home WHILE you are cleaning, or after you're done?

Yeah, it's like that.

Hubby just doesn't get it.

This may be because he has been taken off guard a couple of times by the subject of my posts. I don't think I've ever shared anything that would make him die of embarrassment, but he certainly isn't fond of my repeated references to his vasectomy, or the time I called him a constipated Squidward.

Hey, what am I supposed to say? He's a ball of sunshine? Everyday with him is like riding a unicorn over a sugar-coated rainbow?

Not even I would read my blog then.

Don't get me wrong. I love my husband. I really do. But sometimes...

Sometimes I just wish he were illiterate.


Jennifer said...

"You're not going to blog that are you?" LOL! I don't even keep my personal blog anymore, and I still get that question. That's the worst part about not blogging. All those funny moments that are mine alone. They aren't so good when I can't write them down to share with the Internet.

Sassy Lucy said...

Shoot my husband has started to be aware that anything is up for me to blog about so he tries to watch what he does, but I still get him.
I also CANNOT write when him or the kids is looking over my shoulder and they don't get it.
Great post.

Karen said...

Soooo funny that you wrote this today. I just this morning asked my husband, "Can I blog about...?" and he said, "I'd prefer that you didn't!" Bummer. He's ruining my mojo, too!!

Kimberly said...

Neil refuses to read my blog. He'd rather not know. He's smart like that.

Rima said...

Yep. I hear ya. I can't even stand it when he reads blogs I'm *reading* over my shoulder. But I have to hand it to the P-dog on several counts - he is very supportive of my blog and, except for a few "off limits" subjects, he is a trooper when it comes to me blogging about him.

Perhaps the husbands could form a spousal support group of some sort.

missburrows said...

Doesn't he realize that you are making him an internet star!? That you are extending his 15 minutes of fame?

Heather, Queen of Shake-Shake said...

Sadly, I think my husband has become immune to my airing dirty laundry.

Jo Jo said... know I had to click back on the constipated Squidward link and have another hardy laugh at it!


Bec said...

Oh! I know what you mean!

My DH isn't an over-the-shoulder-reader but he always makes me feel like he knows what I'm writing while I'm writing it. It's his super power.

suchsimplepleasures said...

my husband is a teacher so, he's been home, along with my kids. i have NO blogging MOJO ANYMORE! it's dead...gone...i can't blog...sigh

terri said...

I try to write nice things about the hubby once in a while. I find it takes away some of the sting if I do this quickly after pointing out one of his flaws to the whole internet.

Jill said...

It's like you're reading my mind. My dude pretends to give me a back rub while he reads over my shoulder. TRES ANNOYING!

loveyh said...

Yeah. Totally irritated that Mr. Engineer has taken to reading your blog. I may have to block it on the desktop PC now and access it only from my laptop. Sigh.

Sheila said...

My husband ALWAYS reads my blog posts. I don't mind but I can't stand it if he watched me type or when I'm writing them. It drives me crazy (or crazier, depending on who you ask)!

Meleah Rebeccah said...

"I can't write when someone is reading over my shoulder. Just can't. Writing is a process. Even something as trivial as a daily blog post goes through a few edits and rewrites before it's unleashed on the unsuspecting public."

I am the SAME WAY. I could never write with EYES all up on me.... and I spend plenty of time editing / rewriting blog posts!


Mike said...

My wife really only checks in with my blog every couple weeks. She gets enough of my idiocy in the real world.

Avery Gray said...

Jennifer--I would go crazy if I suddenly didn't have a place to share the stupid--er, quirky things my family do on a regular basis. Maybe you should blog under an alias!

Sassy--you get me! You really get me! ;o)

Karen--a good friend once told me sometimes it's better to ask forgiveness than permission. Words for a blogger to live by.

Kimberly--lucky, lucky girl!

Rima--except that my husband can't be trusted in public. (See constipated Squidward link.)

Miss Burrows--that's what he's afraid of. He hates being the center of attention.

Heather--sadly? Why, that's all I could ever hope for!

Jo Jo--you're welcome! I aim to please.

Bec--even worse, because then you have to wonder how he knows!

SSP--I'm here for you! We'll get through this trying time together!

Terri--bah! Who can be bothered to think of the good things?! The bad is so much funnier!

Jill--tres tres annoying! That's Ron's method as well.

Lovey--what? He doesn't get enough of my effervescent wit in person? Pshaw!

Sheila--I smell conspiracy! Have all the blogger husbands of the world banded together?!

Meleah--thank you, sweetie, for understanding me!

Mike--well, I can see how large doses of you could have that effect. Lucky for me, your blog's all I got. ;o)

Stephen said...

I'm the same way. I never write about our relationship unless it's in a positive light, but I always tell my wife that if she wants to read my posts, she can go and read them later. I don't like my words scrutinized as I'm trying to assemble them.

Stephen said...

Incidentally, the day for my 'snip' will probably come one day, but if my wife ever blogs about it, she's going to be in trouble.

holly said...

i prefer it my way. mine doesn't even read my blog. i think if he did our partnership might end quicker. (hmmm...)

and when i'm blogging in bed (yes, that's hot our life is...) he has five minutes of trying to convince me i should go to sleep before entering snore-fest 2007.

have you tried to blog during snore-fest? it's very hard to concentrate.
but not impossible.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Avery Mr B says the same. And my mum does. And I usually say yes. Then they stop. I would hate the 'looking over my shoulder when I write' thing though. That is bad. In fact I'm getting annoyed for you. Grrrrr.

Emma Sometimes said...

WEll, I'm not funny in person, OR on my blog. What is a girl to do?

Mert said...

LMAO! Sometimes I write something hilarious and I barely get a grunt out of my man. The indignities we must face! :D

I can't wait to write about John's vasectomy.

Dan Leone said...

Though I do not doubt he is the awesomest of awesome studs, I sort of wish he was illiterate too. I have been pulling punches with you and my comments!

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