Wednesday, January 23, 2008


Gosh, people. Is it Gang Up on Avery Day?

How come I can't get no love?

First Lovey tells me that her husband, Mr. Engineer, thinks I talk about my boobs here too much. Then my husband told me my old profile pic made me look like a dowdy librarian. Now Emma says my new one makes me look like the Joker from Batman.

I'm developing a complex.

Is it really that bad?

I tell you, I am this close to jumping off the nearest high-rise today, people.

(Imagine I'm indicating a very small distance between my thumb and index finger.)

I'd best quit while I'm ahead and post my album cover.

Didn't know I was a musician, did ya?

Well, I am nothing if not a ROCK STAR!!

I saw this meme over at Meleah's place and it looked like a whole lotta fun. And it was! It was so fun, I did it twice, 'cause I'm an overachiever like that.

Here's what you do:

You are about to have your own band’s CD cover. And NO THOUGHT is involved. I followed these instructions to the letter and below is the end result. Try it yourself? Here are the directions:

1.The first article title on this page is the name of your band.

2. The last four words of the very last quote on this page is the title of your album.

3. The third picture, no matter what it is, on this page, will be your album cover.

4. Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together, and post the results.

So, here's what I came up with...


This one is from my folk/grunge/polka phase. I was lead accordion. Sadly, the singer, Yon Ferguson, developed a harrowing addiction to the Butterball hotline shortly after this album was recorded. Despite the introduction of Skippy, the miniature yodeling bunny, albums sales lagged, and 1972 in Australia broke up after only two weeks together.

On the bright side, Yon never kicked his habit. And he still makes the best turkey.

Now, this one...


This was my ill-advised tribute to the ladies of Lilith Fair, back when I was playing the dowdy librarian circuit in the mid to late-90's. Lilith Fair, you'll recall, was a music festival attended mostly by lesbian hippies and the lesbian hippies who loved them. While I did not attend for obvious reasons--mainly my aversion to all things hippie--I was all about the message of female empowerment. So, I donned a new persona--Chester McGlockton.

Why that name?

Well, although I have great jugs, I felt Chesty was probably a little too sexist and pornish, and I needed a strong name to convey not only my innate woman powers, but also to play up the awesomeness of my rack. (You know, for the lesbians.) Hence the name Chester.

And McGlockton? Well, it sorta sounds like McLachlan if you say it fast. And I wasn't above using the Lilith Fair's founder to pimp my CD.

Money talks, homes.

In the end, it only sold 11 copies. But I'm still hoping "...And Illiterate Sport Fishermen" will make a comeback.

Hey, if you buy a copy, I'll show you my boobs!


Edge said...

You lost me.


You can talk about your boobs as much as you want, darlin'.



Edge said...

And d#@$ dirty hippies!


Dapoppins said...

Whatever you do, don't visit my blog today....

And no your not bad. your funny. And your boobs are fabulous. Really.

Dapoppins said...

oh, and so are your album covers....I need to get photo shop.

Jodi said...

I love your rack!

monkeysandmarbles said...

what is a woman's blog for if not to talk about her boobs??? ;-)

seriously, you are crazy creative and imaginative. the CD covers are great, and back-stories rock the meme!

wozog said...

thanks for commenting on my site. So I will comment on yours. I scratch your back you shave mine...The guy that is going to play the JOKER died yesterday. I like Sarah Mclachlan but when I told my friends one punched me in the face...go to youtube they have great Mclaclan cover songs.

Immoral Matriarch said...

I gotta get photoshop...

And tell your traffic feed reader that I am NOT in Havelock! I wouldn't be caught dead in Havelock!! *Lol*

Mert said...

I was just coming over to say that I ADORE your new pic, soft focus and everything!

I say Pooh to all those who don't like it.


BTW, the coast is clear... thanks to your prayers to the Sweet 8 lb 6 oz Baby Jesus. I really appreciate it ;)

M@ said...

It wouldn't hurt to show us your tits.

loveyh said...

Okay, so at least it wasn't me ganging up on you. Also, I'm glad Mr. Engineer was insulting you and not me--he's in hot water still.

I think your new picture is fine--shall we set up a photoshoot day? Why is the hub poking the bear???

oh, yeah--I am niether a lesbian or a damn dirty hippie---and I went ot Lillith Fair. :P

terri said...

You talking about your boobs is kinda like... your trademark. I'd be disappointed if suddenly I found no mention of the girls here.

And for the record, your new profile pic is beautiful. You look sultry. And I say that in a purely platonic sense, just in case you felt any weirdness in that statement! ;)

Mike said...

That's weird that Lovey married a gay man.

Huckdoll said...

I don't know, I kinda think your boob pics are great. I'm jealous! And your profile pics have been fab. Cool CD covers...looks like a cool meme that I could NEVER do because I suck at that kinda stuff. Rock on.

Kimberly said...

El Paso Buzzards
Biggest Mistake of All

And a picture of a tunnel with a light at the end of it.

I think we must do grunge music or something of that sort. Neat.

Emma Sometimes said...

Correction: I said your smile looked like the Joker (as in dark lipstick), NOT that you looked like the Joker. It's the darkness of the black and white. I just prefer color.

Regardless, I am sorry you felt picked on. Not my intention at all. :(

meleah rebeccah said...

I think you are beautiful...Period. As far as boob talk, from someone who also talks way too much about those body parts...keep it up!

Groovy Mom said...

The 2nd album is so you! Tres chic!

Momo Fali said...

You can talk about your boobs all you want, and I like BOTH of your pictures!

But, if you're going to go ahead and you want company?!

Flip Flop Momma said...

but your a HAWt joker honey;)

holly said...

love the albums. and i wish i'd been here earlier so i could say "but you're beautiful" and not sound like i was just copying everyone else. *they* were just guessing what *i* would say.

plus, i've seen your boobs, so i get nothing from buying your album. but as it always amuses me to hear about your boobs, i'll buy it. is it on ebay yet? thanks to me, a picture of your boobs are. i'll give you a share of the profits, as they are, in fact, your boobs.

R said...

At least you have a freaking album.

missburrows said...

Talk too much about boobs? Is that even possible?

Amazon Woman said...



Caffeine Court said...

I've never heard of a man who didn't want to talk about boobs!

If I had boobs I'd talk about them and flaunt them whenever I could!

As a matter of fact, I'm going to set up a PayPal link on my blog so people can donate money to my boob fund!

michelle said...

not all of us were hippies! (and dude, that was probably even before the wonky lesbian years for me).

and seriously? engineers love the boobies. they may deny it, but it is the truth.

Avery Gray said...

Jef--thanks! I WILL!

Dapo--I love you!

Jodi--and yours ain't small potatoes either, toots! ;o)

Cate--you're such a sweetie! Thank you!

Wozog--wow! You hepped me to a lot there. Thanks.

Immoral--I ain't telling my traffic feed reader nothin', you Havelockian!

Mert--praise the Lord!

M@--it might. They're pretty spectacular. I might blind you.

Lovey--whatever, hippie.

Terri--just for you, I'll continue to talk about the girls. But only for you! ;o)

Mike--I know, huh?

Huckdoll--oh, come on! You gotta try it! It's so much fun!

Kimberly--I don't know. You always struck me as a speed metal kinda girl.

Emma--I know you didn't mean anything by it! We're cool. (As far as you know. *insert evil laugh here*)

Meleah--you always put a smile on my face! Thank you!

Groovy--I know! I can't believe it wasn't more popular!

Momo--oh, heck yeah! Rough day?

Flip Flop--coming from the queen of sexy, that is a HUGE compliment!

Holly--wow! Thanks for cutting me in on the profits! That's right kind of you. ;o) (And despite the fact that you're a damn dirty choconot, I puffy heart you!)

R--self-produced. You could have one, too! And you should. You have an amazing voice!


Jill--hey, you can just have half of mine. What do you say?

Michelle--you might not be batting for that team anymore, but don't try to convince me you weren't a hippie. Hippie. ;o) (How's the wedding planning coming?)

Mr. Engineer said...

Time for a clarification:
I have NEVER complained about a woman talking (or showing) her boobs too much...never. I enjoy hearing/seeing/feeling a lushious rack as much as any man.
What I told my wife is: "Avery sure talks about her boobs a lot."

I demand a retraction/correction in the next blog. Otherwise, I know where you live and I throw eggs like a man.

sybil law said...

I am so glad you got the clarification! There ain't NOTHING wrong with boob talk!
Your album covers are hilarious!
You actually look like one one the cooler Lilith Fair acts on the album.

Luisa Perkins said...

The album cover meme is the BEST ever!