Strangest thing happened to me today.
I was home alone, working on some research for one of my stories, when the doorbell rang.
I wasn't expecting anyone, but this happens quite often. Our neighborhood gets lots of solicitors who think it's funny to ignore "No soliciting" signs. But my husband also has family in the area who think it's a hoot to drop in unexpectedly.
They're wrong. No one likes uninvited guests. If you do this, stop it now.
When I opened the door, I found a grizzled, middle-aged woman standing in my flower bed with her dog on a leash.
"Where'd you get this edging?" she asked as soon as she saw me.
No, "Hi, my name is..." or "I was walking by and I noticed your lovely edging..." Nope. Just a demand to know where I'd procured it.
Something about her raised my hackles more than a bit. Perhaps it was the hint of accusation in her tone. Or the way she allowed her dog to poop on my lawn while she pointed her gnarled old finger at my quaint little cobblestones. Whatever the case, I didn't take to the cut of her jib.
"Uh, Home Depot? Yeah, Home Depot."
Even before I felt the lilt of my voice rise, I knew I'd made my first tactical error. I'd answered in the form of a question. Then answered my answer.
What the hell was I thinking?!
What should have been, "Home Depot, bitch! Get off my bark chips," became a sad, meandering excuse for a non-answer wrapped in answer form.
Stupid, stupid, stupid...
"You don't know for sure?" she pounced.
"Yes, I do know for sure. I loaded and unloaded enough to remember."
Ha! Take that. This chickadee ain't going down that easy.
"I don't remember seeing them the last time I walked by here," she said.
I shrugged, really wishing she'd get to her point and falsely accuse me of short-edging her lawn already. Instead, she pointed at my house numbers and ominously intoned, "I'll remember."
And she left.
I'm still scratching my head.
There are 106 cobblestone edgers in my yard, each weighing 10 pounds. If she thinks she'd going to come "reclaim" them for herself, I welcome her to try. That should make for some awesome bloggin'.