Thursday, January 3, 2008

Damn it, Holly!

Before I get to the many and varied reasons why I am damning Holly, I'd like to take a moment to congratulate myself.

Congratulations, self! You're somebody now! Well done.

Thank you, thank you. You're too kind.

So what's all the hoopla, you ask?

Why, my very first spammer, of course! Yes, I've hit the big time!

(Make sure you read the whole thing. It's very Brad Pitt in 12 Monkeys.)


Because my meme hiatus was sooo last year, 2008 is bound to be filled with all sorts of meme goodness. And what better way to kick it off than with a blasted birthday meme that Holly--I'm sorry, holly--so graciously saddled tagged me with.

Thanks. So. Much. Holly!

Here's the deal--I have this list of traits based on my birth month (June), and I have to say whether they apply to me or not, and I have to make it humorous, or you're not going to want to read the whole thing, and for that I. Damn. You. Holly!

Could you have given me a less funny list of traits? I don't think so.

Well, it's just a good thing that when life hands me lemons, I say something flippant, like, "Gee, thanks, Life. Just what I always wanted. Lemons. You shouldn't have. No, really. They're great. Thaaanks."

Oh, yeah, I can take whatever you dish out, Hol-ly.


Here goes nothing...


Thinks far with vision. Okay, can anyone tell me what this even means? That sounds like corporate mission statement mumbo-jumbo. If it means "are you a planner", then yes. I most certainly am. But I never synergize. I'm not paid enough for that.

Easily influenced by kindness. Embarrassingly so, unfortunately. I've been known to hand out sexual favors in return for the time. (Could that be why my hubby is always getting me watches for my birthdays? Hmm...)

Polite and soft-spoken. I can be. Why? Who you been talkin' to? I'll pulverize 'em!

Having ideas. Um, I'll have to come back to this one.

Sensitive. To what? Light? It makes me sneeze. No, seriously, it does. It's the strangest thing. Shine a bright light in my eyes, and I will sneeze. But then I will cry, because I'm sensitive. And why did you have to go and shine a bright light in my eyes anyway?

Active mind. No. It's quite sedentary.

Hesitating, tends to delay. I'll tell you later.

Choosy and always wants the best. Duh. Jackass!

Temperamental. Fux you!

Funny and humorous. Oh, goodness no! How would I ever get into Heaven?

Loves to joke. Um, yes?

Good debating skills. Oh, yeah. I'm a master debater.

Talkative. Oh my Gawd! Like I so totally am! Like this one time, at band camp...

Daydreamer. Come on! What writer isn't?

Friendly. Is THAT what they're calling it these days?

Knows how to make friends. Thanks to "Making Friends for Dummies"!

Able to show character. ABLE TO show character? Sure. I'm able to show character. Just like I'm able to speak in an Irish accent. Whether it's a good Irish accent has yet to be seen.

Easily hurt. Only by sticks and stones. Or bullets, knives, pepper spray, fire, acid, ice, shrapnel, and itchy, scratchy wool.

Prone to getting colds. How is that a personality trait?

Loves to dress up. I'm sorry. Does that say "Loathes to dress up"? Then, yes.

Easily bored. Nope. My pappy done learn me the book readin' skill. An' soun'in' out them big words done take me a fair amount o' time.

Fussy. Hussy? Perhaps in my younger days...

Seldom shows emotions. Isn't that what emoticons are for? ;o) :o( :oP

Takes time to recover when hurt. No. I do it after I'm hurt.

Brand conscious. Does Marc Jacobs poop in the woods? (For the purposes of this exercise, I'm going to assume he does.)

Executive. Does CEO of Gray, Inc. count?

Stubborn. Are you asking me or my husband?

I have to tag 12 people. I'm not going to ask you not to hate me. Do as you will.

1) Lovey
2) Kimberly
3) Jill
4) Natalie
5) Dooz
6) Dapoppins
7) Jef
8) Mike
9) Rachel
10) Claire
11) Rima
12) Fooferoo

Okay, now the boring part...

Here are the instructions:

1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2. Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months.
3. Pick your month of birth.
4. Highlight the traits that apply to you.
5. Tag 12 people and let them know by visiting their blogs and leaving a
comment for them.
6. Let the person who tagged you know when you've done it!


JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach
and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to
criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive
and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited
or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but
prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves
children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very
stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and
clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy
and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom.
Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily
hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary
things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn.
Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and
leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous.
Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved.
Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and
serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered.
Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses
others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves
attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors.
Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret.
Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention.
Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and
fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional.
Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others.
Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover
can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp
thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep
feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no
motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong
clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good
imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts.
Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children.
Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and
soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to
delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous.
Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows
how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting
colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes
time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood.
Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation.
Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful.
Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and
easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.
Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and
mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving.
Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges
people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves
to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be
quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not
aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems.
Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless.
Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous
and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises.
Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous.
Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves
to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and
defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns
to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to
point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to
talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed.
Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good
memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must
control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding.
Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows
emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in
relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at
the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry
often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but
recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others
think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts
and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just
and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique
and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong
clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive.
Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but
amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is
a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry
unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others.
Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited.
Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in
relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and
keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and
interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations.
Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to
be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing
personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions.
Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Good Lord, that's a long post!


holly said...

oh i am so getting fired. i laughed to the point that i got very stern looks from the other non-laughing programmers. who were having meetings. about my laughing.

i particularly love that you always want the best. this is very unique... i'm going to have to scan through the list and see is there a month that "prefers not to have such good stuff". (it's not october)

i'm also concerned, though (we octobers are concerned, apparently) that you are fussy, stubborn, temperamental, funny and humorous, yet seldom show emotions. how, then, were they able to tell?

this was great. and you proved you are a better reader than i am (that pappy, he's a good 'un), because i didn't read the "tag 12 people" thingie. my pappy was gone a lot. i can't even read *this*.

clairec23 said...

I took on your meme and I won damnit! Thanks for the tag...*grumbles to self* :D

clairec23 said...

Btw, congrats on the spammer. You are blessed...I actually hope I remain unblessed, thank you very much!!

Mike said...

You did a fine job here, but what a terrible meme! My heart goes out to those 12 people you tagged.

missburrows said...

So then according to this, you are sitting around naked, reading books (slowly). No wonder you are prone to colds.

Thank god I don't have to do one of these ('cause of my chocolate force field).

R said...

I almost didn't notice the tag because you spelled my name wrong. Those other foolish Rachel's that have an extra A....Ha ha. I am just giving you a hard time. He he.

I think your mind is so completely active it is entirely scary. If I had your mind, I would rule the country, but alas, I have my moron mind, and here I am ruling nothing. Queen crap of the world.

Avery Gray said...

Holly--thought you could come at me like a spider monkey with your infernal meme. Take that, spider monkey!

Claire--thanks for accepting the challenge! And are you sure you wouldn't like a little spammer action? Now that I have one of my own, I'm sure I could send a little love your way. Sleep on it. Let me know.

Mike--yeah, I'd hate to be one of those 12 people, Mike.

Miss Burrows--how can I be naked and brand conscious? I'm an enigma.

R--oops! My bad. I done fixed it. (And I'm ignoring the part of the comment where you're all I'm a moron, blah, blah, blah... I know it ain't so, so why you sayin' it?)

Rima said...


I would love to do this meme, but one of the personality traits that was left off of the "July" list is, "Meme-o-phobic."

Pity, that!

Natalie said...


Just so you know, my birth month happens to be June as well. So no, really. THANKS A LOT.

This one is actually kind of fun and I haven't seen it floating around out there yet, so this will give me something fun to do tonight while I'm wallowing in some more self-pity. Oh yeah, I'm sure I'll have the masses rolling with laughter.

P.S. You did a great job, as always!

Natalie said...

PSS. I think that spammer is actually a bonified troll, and a very mouthy one at that. Or maybe a troll + spammer. Wow, girl, you HAVE really hit the big time. Freaky deaky stuff. It reminds me of the flyer my dad got on his car while we were at a restaurant one night last week. It was talking about satanic rituals and it was freaking bizarre.

meleah rebeccah said...

Oh I LOVED your answers! HA HA HA

secret agent mama said...

PERFECT! You are perfect.

Thanks for not tagging.

Kimberly said...

I so want to do this meme, but I'm worried I'll lose half my readers from posting something so long. Oi!

You done good. I laughed so hard I woke up one of the kids. Nice going.

Avery Gray said...

Rima--that is an oddly specific personality trait. I can see why it was overlooked.

Natalie--thanks! You think I should call my spammer/troll a trommer or a sproll?

Meleah--thank you!

Mishi--I know you are but what am I? (And you're welcome!)

Avery Gray said...

Kimberly--aw, come on! You know you want to!

Sugarplum's Mom said...

Holy christ... I can't read that entire page.. sounds like the next person to go into a mall and start shooting.

The Lazy Iguana said...

Did you actually read all that stuff? I got to the third line then decided that I have better things to do. Like for example, get the Game Boy Advance emulator working on the new phone.

Oh yea - the new phone is now a Game Boy Advance, a Game Boy, a classic NES system, a SEGA Master System, and if I want it to be an Atari 2600.

Mert said...

Oooh, October is so me, it's scary... even down to the clairvoyance. But not on a regular basis... It only happens once in a while.

Jo Beaufoix said...

I love that you did this so beautifully my dear.
I am meant to be upstairs folding clothes, but I couldn't pull myself away, hee hee.
The talkative one made me giggle. I can just imagine you chewing gum and wearing a cheerleaders outfit. That sounds a bit odd doesn't it??
But you get what mean right??

Dapoppins said...

I have never had a wacky spammer.

I really don't want to do this stinking long meme.