Friday, January 11, 2008

Frenemies Unite!

We have a common nemesis, and her name is holly.


Sure, she seems sweet and innocent on the outside, but beneath the saccharine exterior lies the creamy nuggat of a corrupt and reprehensible foe. A scheming villain with a butterscotch chip on her shoulder. A mastermind of epic portion control.

A denier of all things good and right in this world.

Namely chocolate.

She and her band of ne'er-do-wells, pictured here...


are attacking our very way of life--not only by refusing to consume ANY chocolate in the month of January, but also by recruiting untold masses to their twisted agenda.

Are you going to sit silently by while the militant hippie radicals spew virulent anti-chocolate propaganda?

What's next?

Can the coffee?

Say no to Sauvignon?

Where will it end?

Already they have set in motion their insidious plot to weaken our defenses.


To them we say "You will not prevail!"

We will stand united against these fiendish malcontents, and we will FIGHT!

We will not succumb because our way is right and true, and our hearts are pure.

Now is the time to act! Show your support. Join the resistance! And together we will defeat the celery scourge!

Viva le Chocolat!!


Bec said...

Fear not sweet maiden! They offer no reward and therefore will not prevail!

Now, if they were to offer, say a Mars bar or two we might have a very different story...

newnorth said...


sybil law said...

I would like to offer my services to the resistance.
Those bitches are crazy!

Huckdoll said...

I'll say no to chocolate and coffee...but NEVER threaten my Sauvignon!!!!

Mya said...

I think January is the month we need chocolate the most...And unless they all commit to 24 hour web cam surveillance, how can we be sure they are sticking to their regime?!

Mya x

holly said...

our group is still resistant to chocolate at near-the-midpoint-of-january! ha HA!

i just don't get why we can't co-exist peacefully. you can sit munching your chocolate away while we are next to you with our...em...carrots or something. bananas. yes, that's what i've been snacking on. and the odd apple. aren't you at all happy at the level of chocolate that is available to *you* since we've gone on our hiatus?!?!?

give peace a chance!!!

holly said...

do you know i can't *get* butterscotch chips here? it's probably a good thing - i won't hit goal until end of march, and my (weight watchers) leader would probably say they're like a million points. she's a bitch that way.

Edge said...

I don't like chocolate either.


R said...

What kind of idiot idea is that? I already ate chocolate this morning.

Leendaluu said...

Right now, I am having a chocolate doughnut, frosted with chocolate icing and covered in chocolate sprinkles...

Mwah ha haha haha (that's evil laughter, folks!)

Immoral Matriarch said...

I don't eat a lot of chocolate - I feel bad being that it's all produced by child slaves and what not. :(

But...sometimes a girl just needs a kiss! Haven't they seen Down With Love??

sybil law said...

Oh, Holly. Aren't you the one who declared war?! I can't help it if I think you're nuts! Haha
Anyway, I am still strong in my resistance. I have posted some sanity myself today.
We must save the blogosphere from Holly's brainwashing ways!!

Avery Gray said...

Bec--really! I don't know how successful they think they'll be offering NO money in return for our capture. Silly girls!

Newnorth--ty! ;o)

Sybil--amen, sister! Fight the power!

Huckdoll--can we count on your support?

Mya--exactly! Never trust anyone who says they're swearing off chocolate! They're either lying or not right in the head!

Holly--trying to spy, eh? Begone! (And I just might send you some butterscotch chips.)

Jef--for the sake of our friendship, I'm going to pretend it was the drugs talking.

R--good work, comrade!

Leendaluu--mmmm... Sounds delicious! Keep it up, fellow freedom fighter!

Immoral--the beauty is you don't have to eat much. One kiss in the month of January, and you're golden! So, can we count on you?

Dapoppins said...

I stand for CHOCOLATE!

Groovy Mom said...

Can't we all get along? No? Cool! I'm gonna get some popcorn. I love a good fight. ;-)

(Notice I didn't go get some Junior Mints or Milk Duds. I have a knack for staying neutral.)

holly said...

now hang on. there we were, minding our own business, avoiding the harmful effects (to our waist!) of chocolate and there you lot came barging in with your "oh eat the chocolate, c'mon, it'll be greaaaaat!" ways. your tails wagging in the breeze, your horns shining in the moonlight. you, and now, your minions.

so who, now, was the declarer or war? okay it was probably me. but who threw the first....em, arrow? yes, you know who. not-me.

loveyh said...

We threw the first chip. Get it right, sistah.

Vive la chocolat!

sybil law said...

Clearly, Holly is lying. I was wearing my hat that night, so she could not "see" any horns!!!
Oh those Chocophobes will stop at nothing to get their points across!

Mike said...

Refusing to eat chocolate. That's hilarious! What's up for February? No breathing air? I assume in March we won't be allowed to pump blood through our arteries.

All equally reasonable ideas.

terri said...

GASP! The HORROR! What is this world coming to? This news is disheartening and traumatic. I'm feeling dizzy. I've gotta go get some chocolate to regain my composure....

Secret Choco Mama said...

I align with you, dear chocolate maven Avery!

Avery Gray said...

Dapo--then you stand for right!

Groovy--if you're not with us, you're against us! Choose!

Holly--it was for your own good. We were trying to save you from yourselves. Alas, it has come to this. You've made your own bed, sunshine!

Lovey--Viva le Chocolat!!

Sybil--the filthy lying liars!

Mike--you always got my back! Glad to have you aboard.

Terri--that's the spirit!

Mishi--I knew I could count on you!

mielikki said...

Oh, now. I have to defend my girl Holly. It's not like we've given up glorious chocolate FOREVER. It's just a mere month. A mere month of proving we are not Chocolate's bitch, and that we have willpower. Besides, she makes a good point. There is more out there for the rest of you who *are* chocolate's bitch!
Viva the Choconots!

Sheila said...

No height nor dapth could keep me from the ever-loving goodness of chocolate!

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suchsimplepleasures said...

i don't like chocolate so...i'm going to the other camp!!! but, i will kill for my caffeine! kill, i tell ya!!

Avery Gray said...

Mielikki--oh, I know you did not come on MY blog and call ME chocolate's bitch! That's rich coming from one of Holly's minions. It's ON now!

Sheila--welcome to the resistance!

Crescenet--your spam is likeable. I will drink your Kool-Aid and patiently await the comet that will take me to Zordon 9. But before I do, tell me, is there chocolate there, or will I have to bring my own?

Simple--good riddance. Get thee from my blog!

holly said...

suchsimplepleasures, we are happy to have you. and don't worry, your caffeine is safe! in fact, i'll drink a coffee to you myself :)

HA avery! your rallying cry of evil does not work on EVERYONE!

and c'mon, obviously if huckdoll doesn't even *like* chocolate, she's not going to support you taunting us with it, surely? am i right huckdoll honey?

and jef, clearly we need your help.

Anonymous said...

No, you can't make me choose. I can't. Can not. I'm a Libra, ya know. We're notorious for being undecided.

Deb said...

I was having a hard time typing, because I was shoving down the marvelous chocolate-coated caramels my hubby bought me. They're magical. They have a touch of sea salt in them to give them that perfect salty/sweet combo.

Now what's this resistance all about?

Groovy Mom said...

The Libra comment was me. I'm neutral, and I'm not afraid to admit it.

missburrows said...

If you really want to know how all this Too bad, I'm going to tell you anyway.

1. Holly decided that she was not going to eat chocolate in January.

2. Avery, commented to me, "Holly is crazy".

3. I commented to Avery, "Hey, want to bet on how long Holly can last?

It's not mean, it is a motivating tool!"

4. Holly declared an all out war on Avery, myself and any brave souls that dared to be smart and normal.

That is how this war started.

meleah rebeccah said...

Join the resistance!


count me IN.

Queen of Shake-Shake said...

I had my fancy smancy chocolate piece today at lunch.

Then I just finished a cup of hot chocolate.

Does that make me like a sergeant in the resistance or anything?

Avery Gray said...

Holls--no, you're right, it only works on normal people.

Groovy--that's fine. You can stay on the fringes of the epic battle. Know what goes great with epic battles? Chocolate. Why not have some while you're sitting there trying to decide whether you'll have chocolate or not?

Deb--oh, Deb, I love you!

Miss Burrows--yeah, it was completely unprovoked. Except for those tiny little taunts, and an itty bit of chocolate lobbed. Big deal!

Meleah--right on!

Heather--sergeant? You're the Queen of the Resistance!

Jo Beaufoix said...

Ooo get you lot!
I go away for a weekend and a whole blumming war starts.

But I am a choconot to the end. I love chocolate. I miss it. But when it comes back, blimey it will taste good.

Anyway, chocolate is made from poo you know.

(Was that a bit too childish?? Ah well.)

meleah rebeccah said...

but I would feel like I am cheating. I am allergic to chocolate and CANT EAT IT EVER.... does that even count?

missburrows said...

meleah: Cheaters are welcome!! We HEART cheaters. And at the end of January, we will need to HEART the choconuts, cause we all know they are cheating anyway.