Monday, January 14, 2008

Hey, Choconuts, I've Got a Plan For You Right Here

I think Holly's been spending too much time playing with dolls. Her minions are running rampant, leaving little rice cake crumbs all over my blog.

Hey, if you're not going to clean up after your cardboard-munching selves, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. It's bad enough I allow you the freedom to express yourselves without any recriminations (I'd feel a little hypocritical if I didn't), but calling us fat little Oompa Loompas? Well, that's just hitting below the belt.

But I have an idea.

Since giving up chocolate for the entire month of January is going so swimmingly, why not extend that into February? You know, the height of the chocolate giving season. That would really put us in our places!


What's that?

Do I hear a little grumbling from your camp?

You don't like that idea?

Well, why ever not? If indeed chocolate is the enemy, to be avoided at all costs, I would think you'd embrace my plan. After all, rice cakes do taste so very much like creamy, delicious chocolate, you're not really missing much, are you?

And February is only 29 days.

After that, you could go back to eating all the chocolate you wanted.

Which would be none, right?

So, what do you say?



Edge said...

I don't like chocolate.


Avery Gray said...

Jef--you're really starting to piss me off.

Marianne Arkins said...

I had to put down my chunk of 70% caoco chocolate candy bar to write this comment.

BTW, people who eschew (instead of, yanno, people who CHEW) chocolate are just not right in the head.


suchsimplepleasures said...

chocolate sucks!!! i'll tell you what...i can go the rest of my life without eating it!!! so there!

Avery Gray said...

Marianne--you got that right, sister!

Simp--so, I take it you're speaking for the group, then? No chocolate in February? They'll be delighted to hear that, I'm sure!

missburrows said...

avery: YES!YES! I totally agree. One month? That's no commitment! I taunted Holly with this same suggestion a while back and I believe she just ignored me. She is going to break any minute now.

The real problem is when they finally cave and then we have to listen to all their blog posts about how fabulous chocolate is. Well, duh.*

*Not counting those that get ill from chocolate.

Tristi Pinkston said...

Your new template is gorgeous.

holly said...

excuse me? am i a total sucker? i'm not going to fall for your simple ploys. and i don't think my peops will either. first *you* go "oh yeah? two months" and *we* go "oh yeah? we'll go three months!" then *you* go "oh yeah? four months!" and then *we* go "oh yeah? we'll go five months!" and then we find we're old and shriveled and have no chocolate. i have a daughter, and i watch her and her friends in action.

and if missburrows thinks i or any of us will break soon she's got so many more thinks coming that it will disrupt her blogging for the month.

and as for the picture. it takes a minute to eat a chocolate bar. sex lasts at least THREE TIMES as long as that.

i've said too much.

Groovy Mom said...

Oh holy crap, I love a good smack down. Holly's comment has me peeing my pants. (Okay, so after 4 kids it doesn't take much, but you know.)

mielikki said...

If the oompa loompa fits. . .
and just so you know. February is my birthday month. And if the rest of the group decides to play, I'm all in for another month of no chocolate. And more oompa loompa's.

Avery Gray said...

Miss Burrows--ain't that the truth.

Tristi--thanks so much!

Holly--poor dear. No wonder you're so crabby.

Groovy--know what's good for when you're watching a smackdown? Chocolate. Why not have some?

Mielikki--not everyone who eats chocolate resembles an Oompa Loompa. Just like not everyone who abstains from it doesn't. I'm just sayin'...

CamiKaos said...

for the time being all I can say is that I sincerely pity anyone who thinks chocolate is better than sex...

The choconots are in talks now as to how to deal with your pitiful little taunt.

we will speak as one united front in time.

Avery Gray said...

Cami--I'm sorry. You seem to be low on your supply of rat's ass. I could give you one!

Flip Flop Momma said...

well I have never been a fan of the coco bean:)

clairec23 said...

I've been keeping out of this but feck it. YOU'RE ALL INSANE!! If it wasn't for chocolate I would have murdered somebody by now during my period. No joke...

Excuse me while I go eat some delicious chocolately goodness.

sybil law said...

All I know is my husband would just do me from behind - he wouldn't care WHAT I was thinking about!

Joeprah said...

Yo! I am on a diet and I have lost 9 pounds in my first week. Wanna know how? Ok, I will tell you cause I am so proud. Here are my 3 meals:

Carnation instant breakfast
Apple (lunch)
Sensible Dinner including veggies
Acceptable Snacks veggies i.e. carrots, brocolli, etc.

I am trying to lose 20-25 lbs and at this rate I should be there in another 2 weeks. Best of luck on your no chocolate diet, I will not eat any either as a form of solidarity.

Lilacspecs said...

Sex is better than chocolate, no doubt, but then, I'm not crazy enough to deprive myself of either. Things might get skewed a bit when one is in a cacao deprived state of mind, no?

Lia said...

That's a really long February. I don't think I could give up chocolate for that long.

Avery Gray said...

Flip Flop--but as your name suggests, you will change your mind about that.

Claire--right on! Enjoy your chocolatey goodness!

Sybil--wow! That's very...uh, informative? ;o)

Joeprah--stop skimming my posts. You're batting for the wrong team. (But great job on the weight loss! Keep it up!)

Lilac--that's my girl!

Lia--and you shouldn't have to! Join us. Embrace the chocolate.

meleah rebeccah said...


Queen of Shake-Shake said...

Yeah, why don't they do two months?

I mean really...are we suppose to be impressed with ONE month of giving up chocolate. One month out of a lifetime is a blink of the eye.

Look! I just blinked! Were you impressed? Neither was I.

Buck up you chocolate Haterz!

Avery Gray said...


Heather--sing it, sister!

Jo Beaufoix said...

February is my birthday month too. Avery, you are enjoying this far too much young lady. Discussions continue with the choconots, but we aren't scared.

Chocolate really is made of poo you know. Well, during January. They run out of the good stuff at Christmas.

Kimberly said...

Hee make such a lovely, lovely villainess. So sweet for you to step up and fill the role for us. It's much easier to tackle this with a little fun and jibing thrown into the mix. Thanks!

meleah rebeccah said...

Too bad I am allergic to it.....and can NEVER eat it.... Man I miss it.