Thursday, January 31, 2008

It Could Happen

One of the many things I do with the sweet, sweet freedom Ethan's school days afford me is the grocery shopping. Although he loves "helping" me push the cart into bread racks, I find these solo trips much more expedient. And, well, less destructive.

As I perused the ripe hothouse tomatoes on one recent excursion, the new produce manager nodded her hello. "Hey, don't you usually have a little one with you?" she asked.

"Yes, I do," I replied with a smile, impressed that she would remember him after only seeing us together a couple of times in the handful of weeks she'd worked at the store, and welling with maternal pride that my boy had made such an impression on her.

"Cute little brown-haired boy?"

"Yep, that's him."

"That's right," she laughed. "He's the one who talks to the pineapples."

My smile faltered a bit.

"Yep, that's him."

I finished my shopping in a hurry and sulked home, convinced that I should break Ethan of his pineapple conversing tendencies before the media picked up on this particular idiosyncrasy.

Future Presidents do not talk to pineapples.

But neither do they lick restaurant windows or quote SpongeBob in the middle of Christmas programs.

I was still mired in quandary when I went to pick him up from school and helped him into his coat and hat.

(Future Presidents don't wear stupid reinypus hats either.)

If the option to give up on the dream of raising a future Commander-in-Chief were open to me, I'd totally take it. I can think of nothing more taxing than molding a prospective leader of the free world.

Unfortunately, Ethan was born with Presidential hair. My hands are tied.

But short of breaking his luminous spirit, I can't see how I can succeed. The quirkiness is as ingrained in him as the good hair gene. He's destined to be different.

Quixotically different.

As a parent, I can't help but love this about him, as I do everything else. He's my happy little clown.

Future Presidents are not happy little clowns.

So, the way I see it, my options are limited.

Blame his vaccinations.

Or hope the world is ready for tropical fruit on the ticket.



holly said...

um, that guy with the pineapple head. isn't he already the current veep? surely we don't need *him* again.

but i'll vote for ethan if i have to have the cabana boys at my local nursing home drag me there by my ankles, which will also be where my boobs are by then.

M@ said...

I LIKE the magical thinking.

Two Write Hands said...

The photo really brought it home for me. You always make me laugh!

terri said...

I think it's sweet that he talks to pineapples, and relatively harmless. My daughter had a very serious invisible friend. There were detailed stories, to the point that I began to worry that she had some sort of supernatural affiliation. But she's (somewhat) normal now. As normal as a child can be coming from this line of parentage.

Mike said...

I cannot wait for the day when Ethan is running for President and the press inevitably descends upon your house to interview the esteemed mother of the candidate.

You are going to make one hell of an interview.

Edge said...

Sponge Bob lives in a pinapple under teh sea. I think you need to start limiting his Nickelodeon.


Lis Garrett said...

Perhaps Jacob could be his VP?? Oh, what a ticket THAT would be!

Groovy Mom said...

LOL! I also have a quirky one. He's 17 now. I'm here to tell you it never gets better. ;-)

So, good that you love the quirks.

And I agree, it could happen! In fact, it might be just what this country needs.

Maria said...

I talk to pineapples...does that mean I can't be president? What the fuck!!!???!!

MamaGeek said...

Avery, run for president. :)

sybil law said...

Um, I don't see the problem!
He sounds awesome.

Huckdoll said...

My girls talk with coconuts, no biggie.

R said...

I like kids that talk to fruit.

Lizzi said...

"Future presidents are not happy little clowns."

Really? Have you SEEN Bill Clinton? Maybe you just meant to say "GOOD future presidents." ;)

Natalie said...

You sure know how to make me laugh. Your little boy sounds adorable, and the conversing with pineapples is incredibly endearing.

JoeInVegas said...

No worries, as our current one proves, the past has no meaning and people don't care. He can still grow up to be pres. But you get to keep the old photos and tease him at Christmas.

missburrows said...

Someone needs to talk to the pineapples!

I'd also like to take Lizzi's comment and replace Bill Clinton with George W. Bush.

Avery Gray said...

Holly--you're right, of course. I didn't even have to Photoshop Cheney's head. It's very pineapply already.

M@--almost as magical as your support of Biden. See? I'm political, too!

Two Write--I felt it needed a little something. Thanks for the compliment!

Terri--normal IS a relative term. ;o) But that's good to know. There just might be hope for him after all.

Mike--I'll try to keep my boob flashing to a minimum. ;o)

Jef--how else is he going to learn? Didn't think that far ahead, did ya?

Lis--the world will never be the same! Ethan/Jacob '44!

Groovy--that's just what I'm hoping for. (I sorta hope he doesn't change!)

Maria--just as long as you don't get caught, you're fine!

MamaGeek--I'll do it because you told me to. (You know I can't say no to you!)

Sybil--thank you! I think he is, too.

Huck--yeah, but they're Canadian. Whole other ball of wax up there.

R--as I general rule, I try to avoid them. This one, though, he's good people.


Natalie--remember that when you're in the voting booth, mmmkay? ;o)

Joe--oh, there will be no shortage of tease-worthy photos with this one. He loves acting goofy for the camera!

Miss Burrows--oooo. Lizzi's not gonna like that. You're poking the bear, my friend. Poking the bear.

Rima said...

Late to the party as usual, but let me just say, who the frick *doesn't* talk to pineapples? He'll make a cute president.

Loved the photoshoppin' today, Avery.

Caffeine Court said...

What a great post!

My 8 year old daughter is HILARIOUS and has an off-beat sense of humor. She's catching some crap at school for it from her more conventional cohorts. It's cool that she's her own person, but I can't stand when some other kids put her down for it!

I love quirky people-they are so much more interesting than the average joes!

Melinda Zook said...

Absolutely hilarious!! Great pic too!

dawn224 said...

I wish I lived near - perhaps talking to pineapples would encourage them to grow .... I heart pineapples :)