Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Not THOSE Again

Because I abhor all things serious (thanks for your great responses, BTW), and because it has literally been DAYS without a single reference to my boobs, and because they begin to wither and die if I don't mention them, and because I like my boobs unwithered and not dead, I thought I'd take a moment to update you on the latest news regarding the Wonder Twins.

Didn't know they were imbued with superpowers, did you?

Well, neither did I until I read this. It seems my secret identity as the Cavernous Cleavage Girl has been discovered.

Curses! And here I thought I hid it so well.

Mild mannered stay-at-home mom by day, sex kittenish superhero by night. How could anyone possibly recognize me? The lighting is so different. Plus, I put my hair up during the day, wear comfortable shoes, sprout carefully cultured 12-hour zits, and drive a mid-sized (armored) SUV.

To the untrained eye, I'm your average soccer mom.

But fear not! I vow to continue to "stun and mystify savage male bloggers everywhere."

Just as long as my stylish collection of appliqué vests doesn't impede the view, I'm golden.

What? You didn't think I would stop talking about the girls now that my secret is out, did you?

No way! If I do that, the terrorists win. And Mr. Engineer, too.

(Who, by the way, has admitted defeat and will no longer plague me, spouting inanities about too much boob talk or other such nonsense. Guess he didn't know who he was messing with, huh?)

In other news, my husband has reversed what I have long thought was his position on the heated Butt, Boob, or Leg Man debate.

A decade ago, he told me he was a Leg Man. And as you can imagine, I died a little inside that day.

I have a butt, and I have boobs, but my legs? Not really my best feature.

However, the subject came up again recently, and he is now denying that he ever took a stance.


But even though he says my boobs are great, he's still not declaring himself a Boob Man.

Oh, when will my sweater puppies ever get the love and respect they deserve?



Jodi said...

I will love your sweater puppies if you want! I already have MUCH respect for them! ;)

Emma Sometimes said...

Oh, you crack me up. Get it? Crack??? Being only one cup size away, and not being one to mention the girls on my blog, you have done justice to G cups and beyond. "Eye Rack" ain't just a country in the middle east.

Edge said...

All women who read this blog should pony up and have a "I'm Proud Of My Boobs Day" and post a pic for all of the male gender to see!


CamiKaos said...

what would like be without a little boob love?

Misssy M said...

As one who has been short changed in the boob department, I look forward to news of yours as my chest lives its life vicariously through them.

i do have a great butt though. Which brings me onto my next point...

How great is that video- it was all I could do not to send it to my mum...too close to reality though.

Groovy Mom said...

Sweater Puppies. Satan's Sinbags. You know, now the pressure is on. You're going to have to keep coming up with new and more hilarious names for them. I have a feeling you're up to the task.

Mya said...

Nice jugs! You are rightfully proud, Miss Avery! Perhaps they could have their own blog? You know, talking about boob rights, issues close to boobdom, boobenomics...It's a debate we can ignore no longer.

Mya x

Caffeine Court said...

I have to admit that I'm glad higher waisted jeans are back in style. It almost makes "mom jeans" fashionable! Plus I don't have to show my ass crack to be stylish!

Lilacspecs said...

Maybe someone can whip up a "bloggable boobies" button or something...not like you'd be the one for that job or anything (do it, do it)

Mike said...

"Oh, when will my sweater puppies ever get the love and respect they deserve?"

Is this where we all bow down to the mighty boobage?

Oh, fine.


Queen of Shake-Shake said...

My man isn't a boob, leg, or butt man either.

I don't know what kind of man he is. Unless it's a p00ntang man??

R said...


My lips are sealed. I can not speak. This is why I type.

I don't have a best feature. At least I don't think so. I am just an elf, and not the LOTRs kind.

You look good in brown BTW.

terri said...

He's lying. All men are boob men.

The Casual Perfectionist said...

And, at first I didn't even notice the tear in your eye. I was too distracted by your...your...uh...your hair. ;)

I'm in the same boat, sistah. I can count on one hand the number of male bosses I've had that actually realized I had a head let alone the color of my eyes. Zero is a number, right? :)

Huckdoll said...

Woot. Boobs again....my favorite! I think men who have women with nice boobs aren't boob men. It's the guys whose partners don't have boobs (like myself) that are boob men.

dawn224 said...

sweater puppies! omg. awesome.

sybil law said...

I have seen that video before and my GOD it still makes me laugh so hard. The dreaded mom jeans!!!! Hahahahaha
Oh and your twins look good. Power packed, even!

M@ said...

Love the Mom Jeans.

Mr. Engineer said...

I'm feeling a little put out by being lumped in with terrorists. I'm not expecting to find 72 virgins when I pass on (or however many they are promised). They'd probably be a bunch of World of Warcraft or D&D nerds anyway...I don't think they ever specify if the virgins are male or female.

Thanks for bringing over the Wii. Oh, I was lying about you being better than Lovey at Lego Star Wars.

Emma Sometimes said...

I'm making a Happy Birthday card on my blog. Come leave a comment!

The Sparrow said...

Cool Stuff :)

Avery Gray said...

Jodi--I feel the love! Thank you!

Emma--sing it, sister! BTW, when are we going to Nordstroms on a bra buying excursion? I could use a couple new ones.

Jef--what a great idea! I doubt it will fly, but it was worth a shot. ;o)

Cami--not worth living, my friend.

Misssy--hey, great butts are nothing to sneeze at. Lots of guys like a well-formed backside. Holla!

Groovy--oh, I am up for your challenge, you fiendish rogue! ;o)

Mya--right on! I'll call it Boob Watch. It will be a hit, I'm sure! Just as soon as my boobs learn how to type.

Jill--did Mom Jeans ever go out of fashion?!

Lilac--oooo, I do loves me some good peer pressure!

Mike--I knew I'd have you on your knees eventually. ;o)

Heather--what straight man isn't? LOL!

R--thank you! You, my dear, would look good in anything. I hate you. But just a little bit.

Terri--you'd think it wouldn't be that hard for him to admit, huh?

Momma--my hair certainly is distracting! And, yes, zero is a number. Roughly similar to my experience with men in the workplace.

Huck--men are silly. Lovey would say we should throw rocks at them.

Dawn--thanks! ;o)

Sybil--I will only use my powers for good!

M@--Me, too! Who knew pleated pants with a nine-inch zipper could be so sexy?

Mr. Engineer--I'll remember you said that. Oh, yes, I will.

Emma--another one? I'll be over in two shakes of a lamb's tail.


holly said...

work it baby, work it. work it for those of us who no longer can. i have dropped into the c's with my weight loss. DAMN YOU BOOB FAIRY!!! WHERE ARE YOU NOW!!!!

as they get smaller? they get *much* less attention. they're going to shrivel and die. oh the horror!

wait. if i printed off your pic (well, remember, i have got my own stockpile for my ebay business - which is thriving, thanks!) and taped it to my chest, maybe things would get better. heads (well, his) might turn. hands might re-busy themselves?

(sniff sniff) maybe?

michelle said...

you asked for, i posted it :) At least your boobie pictures were taken in your own house, and not as a wardrobe mishap in front of an audience!

loveyh said...

Spongebob called--he's missing a tear. ;)

Mr Engineer is a boob man, as we know--remember the black slipdress for West Side Story? For those of you who don't--he had to leave the room to talk to her--the bald men she's smuggling are THAT distracting. :)

Doozie said...

grand tetons
baby feeders
speed bumps
dairy pillows
hood ornaments
lady lumps
bee stings

ok thats all I got, and I'm sticking to it

Mert said...

HA! That's so funny, my husband rfecently admitted he is a boob man, then a few days later said he never said that... he said that he's and "everything" man. Which is great for me... I have a lot of everything to go around.