Friday, January 25, 2008

Retraction? I Don't Think So.

Oy.

It appears Mr. Engineer is feeling a tad put out by my recent post wherein I stated:

"Lovey tells me that her husband, Mr. Engineer, thinks I talk about my boobs here too much."

His response?

"I have NEVER complained about a woman talking (or showing) her boobs too much...never. I enjoy hearing/seeing/feeling a lushious rack as much as any man.
What I told my wife is: "Avery sure talks about her boobs a lot.""


Then, like the big, strong brute he is, he threatened to egg my house "like a man" if I didn't post a retraction.

Nice.

But I just have one thing to say to that...

SUCK IT, TREBEK!!

Suck it long and suck it hard, 'cause I ain't goin' down like that.

You know, for a smart man, you're pretty clueless. Do I need to remind you that the road between our houses goes both ways? Or that I've already proven you don't need to be a man to throw an egg at a house? You just need an egg and a house at which to throw it.

Or does doing it "like a man" mean you'll leave me disappointed and forced to finish the job myself?

As any woman can tell you, your words can be construed any number of ways.

Take, for instance, the statement: "Avery sure talks about her boobs a lot."

For you, that may just be a statement of fact. I do, in fact, talk about my boobs a lot. But what we hear depends largely on your expression and inflection, and the context in which you are speaking.

Since I was not present, I do not know your true intention. Thus, I have to rely on the second-hand information I received from your wife. She WAS there, and DID hear you, and perceived, dare I say, a hint of admonishment in your tone?

And considering the reason why you read my blog in the first place--i.e. to keep tabs on us--I did not find it hard to believe that you would not approve.

(Your Puritan morals must be chafing with all this talk of Satan's sinbags!)

So, I will not retract my statement, but I would like to extend an offer to you to GET YOUR OWN BLOG.

Then maybe you can talk about how much I talk about my boobs.

Be sure to link to me!

24 comments:

Mike said...

Man, this combines two of my favorite things: boobs and arguing! Excellent. If I had been eating chocolate while reading this, then it would have been a perfect moment.

The Casual Perfectionist said...

ROFL. This is hilarious!! If he does indeed create his own blog, please be sure to post an update! :)

Kimberly said...

Satan's sin bags...gah! I'm going to be losing it over that one all friggin' day. Oi! =P

Huckdoll said...

You rawk. Love the way you roll, girl!

Edge said...

When did "Suck It!" become an acceptable response akin to "Your Mamma!"

Anyway, I don't see any boob pics ...


~Jef

suchsimplepleasures said...

fo sho...his own blog...

btw...y'know what else we have in common? we're both hotties!!!
xoxo

Groovy Mom said...

"Or does doing it "like a man" mean you'll leave me disappointed and forced to finish the job myself?"

Pow! Biff! Bam!

Nobody does indignation like you do!

Sarcastic Mom (aka Lotus) said...

I'd also throw in a good, "Your mother's a whoooore."

Love me some SNL Jeop. ;-)

terri said...

Or does doing it "like a man" mean you'll leave me disappointed and forced to finish the job myself?

Good god, I wish I could come up with stuff like this! Nearly fell out of my chair over that one.

Natalie said...

Bwahahahaha!

That's all I have to say.

Except that I don't know what you would do without my creative input.

Caffeine Court said...

You go girl..remind me to never piss you off!

Now scurry over to my blog and check out my new look!

Emma Sometimes said...

Girl, when you throw down, it's all over but the cleavage...hahahaha!

Lilacspecs said...

You'll rue the day you crossed me, Trebek!

M@ said...

You're not a real man, Trebek! :)

So, when do we get to see the kittens?

Karen said...

Or does doing it "like a man" mean you'll leave me disappointed and forced to finish the job myself?

That could possibly be the best line written...ever. Seriously, Avery...you rock.

holly said...

in this case, wouldn't he food-of-choice for throwing be melons? just wondering.

*mike* sure talks about chocolate a lot.

TheVasquez3 said...

omg you make me laugh!! i love that i can come here for a daily giggle and gafaw!!

Immoral Matriarch said...

LMMFAO!!!!!

Jessica said...

I am so afraid now.

Jod{i} said...

*snickers...I love coming here...

Avery Gray said...

Mike--so, if I started an argument about boob-shaped chocolate, it would be like some sort of nirvana for you?

Momma--he won't do it. He's chicken!

Kimberly--I've got a ton of 'em!

Huck--you too, sweets!

Jef--get out more, would ya?

SSP--you know it, baby!! ;o)

Groovy--I have my skills. ;o)

Lotus--classic!

Terri--glad you liked it!

Natalie--I rely heavily on your creative input! What you talkin' about?

Jill--love the new look! Love that you FINALLY posted an avatar at Blog Catalog! ;o)

Emma--Ron says I would have cleavage in a turtleneck. He always says the sweetest things!

Lilac--I'm the cock of the walk!

M@--you want me to post pictures of kittens? You're such an animal lover!

Karen--no, you rock!

Holly--I like how you think, my friend! ;o) (And, yes, he does. Chocolate is delicious. You should try some!)

Vasquez--I love that you do, too! ;o)

Immoral--TYSVM! ;o)

Jessica--why? You think I talk about my boobs too much? You're on my list now!

Jodi--says Aristotle to Carrot Top. ;o)

Jodi said...

GIRL POWER! High Five Sister!

I think my favorite was:

"Or does doing it "like a man" mean you'll leave me disappointed and forced to finish the job myself?"

OR

Your Puritan morals must be chafing with all this talk of Satan's sinbags!)

I can't decide! Oh what the hell...they're both GREAT!

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee. Satan's sinbags.

Mert said...

Fun bags are meant to be talked about, other wise God wouldn't have blessed some of us with such big'uns.