Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Note to (18-Year-Old) Self...

In my long blogging career, I've come across a number of posts, like this one, which have been directed at the authors' former selves--wisdom they'd impart to their younger counterparts if the opportunity ever magically arose. Advice, presumably, that would alter the course of their lives for the better.

Yeah. Because young people listen sooo well.

If I'd been confronted by my aged, decrepit 30-year-old self when I was 18, I imagine it would have gone down something like this:

Me at 30: Avery, I've come from the future with a message for you.

Me at 18: Uh huh.

Old Me: I've come to tell you not to waste your time with the man you're with. He'll never appreciate you.

Young Me: That's not true. He writes me poems!

Age: You and I both know his poems are crap. He rhymes "good" with "food". He's an idiot.

Beauty: He's not an idiot! He's a musician.

30: No, he's a 28-year-old stock boy at an office supply store who happens to know a few riffs on the guitar.

18: Whatever. He'll make it someday.

30: No, he won't. You're gonna have to trust me on that.

18: Why should I? I believe in him! I looooove him!

30: Oh, good Lord! You're even annoying me.

18: Besides, he told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me!

30: Oh, really? He asked you to marry him?

18: Well, not in so many words, but I'm sure one day...

30: God, you're stupid.

18: I am not! I graduated with honors!

30: Yeah, so did I, Einstein.

18: Whatever, loser. I'm Audi.

30: *sigh* Kids.


Groovy Mom said...

LOL! I could have tried to warn myself off the man I was with when I was 18. It would have gone like this:

40: That guy you're with will never make a lot of money. His hair will thin and you won't always want to jump his bones every minute of the day like you do now.

18: I looooove him, and I'm never going to let him go.

40: Smart girl!

Edge said...

How odd, I had that conversation with myself yesterday. 18 year old me was way smarter than I am.


holly said...

this was your usual hilarious self. well, 30 was. 18 was a bit bitchy and immature for my liking. i'd have liked to see 18 do a few more dishes.

but i love that your beauty didn't believe age, even though clearly there was a family resemblance, wasn't there? oldie should'a so bitch-slapped youngie.

yes, that's the only thing missing from this post: a bitch-slapping. you should totally kick your own *ss. next post? no? okay.

Mike said...

Audi? Is that 18-speak for "out of here"? Teenagers!

Kimberly said...

No witty comments from me. Just giggles.

CamiKaos said...

30 year old cami: You know, if you quit smoking now you'd save like four thousand dollars... you quit anyway when you're 23

18 yoc: whatever

30 yoc: don't whatever me young lady I know what you're thinking and trust me... you're gonna want that 4,000 bucks to spend on tattoos and boots.

18 yoc: whatever

30 yoc: You say whatever one more time and I'm gonna slap you so hard you'll still be feeling it in 12 years...

18 yoc: whatev...........OUCH!

30 yoc: Oh the pain, oh no OUCH... Damnit! Why'd you make me do that me...

Princess Olivia said...

hahahaha, I didn't think I wouldn't LISTEN but yeah, whatever. Okay, okay...you are right.

Princess Olivia said...

whoops, sorry, it's Emma Sometimes and Olivia's signed in.

mielikki said...

37 year old Mie: Go ahead, join the Navy you daft girl. Just don't marry the Marine.

18 y/o Mie: What! I marry a Marine? Giggle. Is he cute?

37 y/o Mie: Sigh. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Great post

dawn224 said...

me to 18: Don't shag that boy you lurve. Don't do it.

me to 21: Didn't you listen? I said NO.

Caffeine Court said...

I had a little voice like that trying to communicate with me when I was 18. It was my mother and I completely ignored her!

Maria said...

If only it were possible. I'm only 23 and I'd be going back...

Foo said...


I'm always amazed when I hear middle-aged people (and somewhat-past-middle-aged people, like me) say that they wish they were 16 again. No way would I go back.

Then again, I wasn't the captain of the football team with perfect skin and teeth and perky blonde cheerleaders throwing their self respect away for me and their legs over me. I didn't have a rich banker daddy and a brand new Corvette. Maybe that makes a difference.

Okay, I've thought about it. No it doesn't.

Stephen said...

29-year-old me would have a field day razzing on how stupid 18-year-old-me was...and of course 18yo wouldn't listen. :P

Huckdoll said...

You? The funniest thing on the net.

Joeprah said...

Yo! That picture...that angle...those appear to be heaving. Yes? LOL! Cool interview.