Friday, October 10, 2008

The Boob Boy

There are always certain dangers associated with teaching your children to do things like talk or open doors. I learned that painful lesson this morning.

Until recently, we'd been able to keep Ethan out of our bedroom using a doorknob cover. The subtle nuances of the imposing plastic had heretofore proved an impenetrable defense against the pint-sized marauder. He lacked the manual dexterity and hand span necessary to squeeze both sides and twist at the same time.

We thought ourselves safe. What fools we were!

I woke this morning about an hour before Ethan usually does and hopped in the shower, thinking nothing of the dangers lurking just outside. As soon as I turned the water off and pulled back the curtain, I heard it...

"Hi, Mom!"

Now, I'm not a prude, nor am I ashamed of my body. Ethan has seen me without my clothes on a number of times before, just not since he's been able to voice his observations.

E: "Mom, what are those?"

Me: "What are what?"

E: "Those big things on your chest."

Me: "Those are called breasts."

E: "Bretts?"

Me: "Close enough."

E: "Wow, Mom! They're bee-yoo-ti-full!"

Me: "Uh...thanks."

E: "You know what they look like?"

Me: "I'm afraid you're going to tell me."

E: "They look like...


like my backpack!"

Me: "WHAT?!"

E: "My backpack's beautiful, too."

I'm thinking moat.


The Doozie said...

The boy is starting young. You might want to warn him about breast cancer. I'm afraid to ask this, but your doorknob has no locking mechanism on it?

I'm sitting on my bathroom counter with my feet in a sink of hot water, which is comforting to me. I just looked up and was instantly horrified by the amount of fuzzy dust on the light fixtures. I thought I would share that with you because I'm all about PSA's.

Public service announcements.

Caffeine Court said...

Just wait until he starts telling everyone how bee-yoo-ti-ful his mommy's breasts are!!

DFTF said...

LOL! I had a very similar story to share on my blog last Friday. At least he didn't shriek in terror. That's what my son would have done. Of course, he's 17, so that's probably normal. ;-)

sybil law said...

What kind of breasticle backpack did you buy that kid?!!!
My daughter says mine are like water balloons.
Not sure if that's good or bad. But they're fun, right?!

M@ said...

A breast man!

Bee Repartee said...

hahaha, that's AWE.SOME.

Two backpacks?! DANG. The school money I could have saved this year.

Janie said...

That's hilarious, girl! What a kiddo!

loveyh said...

And this is why his destiny lies in stand-up.

Did he ask if they were full of juice?

Mike said...

Am I the only guy here now googling "backpack porn"? Would it kill you to post a picture of the kid's backpack?

meleah rebeccah said...

Thats classic!

Dapoppins said...

What Caffeine Court said...

R said...


My girl was asking about them today too. Except she was wondering how they produce milk to feed a baby. I explained it to her a little and she stopped me in the middle and said, "oh, you mean, they are like bottles except they are attached to your body! How nice!"

Jo Beaufoix said...

Oh my Bob that kid is hilarious. And does he have a pink back pack??

John said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Rima said...

That is so, so awesome. Some women have peaches, others - jugs. But you! You have BACKPACKS!!!

Backpack! Backpack! Backpack! Backpack!

(sung to Dora tune)

billythekid said...

fantastic! It's brilliant the innocence of that comment.