Friday, March 6, 2009

Blowing the Dust Off

Life is an endless, soul-sucking miasma of chronic and debilitating exhaustion. Other than that, things are just peachy.

School is definitely one of the main culprits. Because the program I'm enrolled in takes semester-long courses and condenses them into 6 week torture-fests, I've been working long into the wee hours to finish a major project every week. The lack of sleep has certainly taken its toll on my supermodel good looks and weather girl personality. Why, I'd say I've dropped to a meager 8.5.

(We're talking on a scale of roughly six trillion.)

That's not the worst news I have to share with you, however. No, that juicy little tidbit would be that I saw my doctor, and she revealed that I have...


What the fudge is a goiter, you ask? That's exactly what I wanted to know! Isn't that something that old people get? I mean, not people like me who are young but complain, "Oh, I'm so old!" and make other people who are older than them want to hit them, because, come on, that's so annoying! No, I'm talking honest to goodness old people who poop themselves and yell at parked cars.

Well, apparently not, because I have one, and I do neither of those things. Much.

All a goiter is, my doctor assures me, is an enlarged thyroid. Unfortunately, the fact that I have one probably means that I will now be put on thyroid medication in addition to the three other pills I have to take every day for the rest of my life for my PCOS.

I'm a walking pharmaceutical, yo.

Fortunately, my goiter is fairly small and was caught early, so I won't be walking around with a basketball-sized lump in my neck. It does make me tired, though, which isn't helping matters with the aforementioned crippling exhaustion I'm experiencing.

I'm quite the catch, ain't I?


Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Google is My Friend?

I have a little confession to make. Since starting back to school, I've taken to Googling my professors.

(Believe me, it's not as hot as it sounds.)

The reason I do this isn't just because I'm a pathetic stalker-type person (I said not JUST because), but also because I find I am disinclined to take the advice of anyone who is not at least marginally better than me at the subject in question. And since many graphic designers today maintain a digital portfolio online, I feel well within my rights to snoop to my heart's content.

(What is that saying about curiosity and the cat?)

My first professor was very professional, and her portfolio was very nice (if a little bland). Still, she had lots of practical experience and she was very willing to share with the class.

My second professor was retarded, signed everything with "Smiles! :-P", and never met a shade of pink she didn't like.


I didn't really know what to expect with my new professor, but I was not harboring high hopes. It's a good thing, too, because they'd have been dashed on the proverbial rocks with this Google nugget.

Allow me to quote her letter to Ask the Eviction Attorney:
Dear Mr. Reno:

I had new tenants move into a townhouse condo in mid-November. They paid $400 security and the remainder of November's rent before moving in. On December 1st, 2007 I didn't receive a check from the tenants, 5 days later, I receive an email from the tenant saying he had not mailed the check yet and wanted to know if I would just pick it up from them. This was very inconvenient, as I was 7 months pregnant, and would have to drive to the other side of town to get the check. I did go pick up the check from the wife at the townhouse condo, and asked them to mail a check in advance in the future. Since then, they have mailed the checks for January, and February in advance so we have received it on time. What I want to know is it too late to give the tenants "notice to quit" in order to evict them based on the fact that December's rent was late?

Ms. [name withheld to protect the grade giver]

*cough cough ballbuster cough*

Oh, excuse me. I was just pretending to cough while calling my professor a ballbuster. Uh, I mean...allergies?

Needless to say, the past two weeks have been insane. In the past two days alone, I've finished 45 newspaper ads like this one for my made-up client...


That may not seem like a lot, but consider that every ad had to be different--different sizes, images, layouts, and logos.

In the words of Mr. Reno, the eviction attorney, in response to her query:

You're kidding, right?

Sadly, no.

It's going to be a long six weeks.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I'll Be Frank

And you can be Shirley.

Frank: Hey, sexy!

Shirley: Oh, you're finally getting around to acknowledging my presence?

Frank: Aw, come on, baby, don't be like that. You know I love you.

Shirley: Well, you certainly have a funny way of showing it. How long has it been? Two? Three weeks?

Frank: Yeah, but, you know, I had...stuff to do.

Shirley: Mmm hmm.

Frank: I had to, like, buy a toaster. And a vacuum. And a water filter for my fridge. Those things don't just replace themselves, you know.

And that took you three weeks?

No. But...but my ear hurt, too. It still does. I have to put drops in it and everything.

Shirley: And that affects your ability to type?

Yes! Have you tried typing with your head at a 90 degree angle? It's not easy. I should know. Plus, school started back up, and I have a ton of work to do. So, it's not like I've just been sitting around, doing nothing--

Shirley: You've been making furniture for your Sims again, haven't you?

Frank: What? No. What?

Shirley: Tell me the truth.

Frank: Well, okay, maybe...


(I'm a featured creator, baby! Don't hate the playa, hate the game.)